by Don Laird, NCC, LPC
It’s one thing to go through life with someone, but it’s another to do it with a shared sense of meaning. As a couple, you might be working side by side, but are you working together toward something bigger than yourselves? Existential couples therapy pushes couples to ask, “What is the deeper meaning and purpose of our relationship? How does it contribute to our individual lives—and to the world?”
In the chaos of everyday life, it’s easy to forget why we’re in a relationship in the first place. Existential couples therapy helps you reconnect with your shared vision, whether it’s building a family, making an impact in your community, or simply growing and evolving as people together. By identifying a sense of shared meaning, couples can transcend mere survival and move toward living intentionally, with a shared meaning that gives both individuals and the partnership itself a sense of direction.
How Existential Couples Therapy Can Help You Grow
- Exploring Individual and Shared Meaning
In existential therapy, couples aren’t just looking at what is going wrong or right in their relationship, but they’re diving into the why behind it all. What does each person value in life? What do they want to contribute to the world? Then, as a couple, you ask, “How can we create something meaningful together?” This isn’t about having the same goals in life—it’s about finding a way to align your individual meaning in a way that elevates your relationship.
- Facing Life’s Uncertainties
One of the core themes of existential therapy is learning to live with uncertainty. Life is unpredictable and, at times, painful, and relationships aren’t immune to challenges, pain, or change. Existentialism helps couples embrace the fact that life will often throw curveballs, and the future is unclear. By facing this uncertainty together, you develop a stronger bond, learning to trust each other in the face of the unknown. It’s not about having all the answers but about finding peace in the questions.
- Building Authenticity
Existential couples therapy encourages deep, honest conversations about your relationship and your individual experiences. It invites you to ask the tough questions, like: What do I really want from this relationship? What is the meaning of this relationship? What am I afraid of? What am I willing to commit to? These conversations foster vulnerability, which leads to greater emotional intimacy. When you can be truly honest with each other about your existential fears, hopes, and dreams, your connection becomes more authentic, and your bond deepens.
- Taking Responsibility for Your Relationship
In existential thought, one of the most powerful concepts is personal responsibility. Existential couples therapy teaches couples that the relationship they have isn’t something that just “happens” to them—it’s something they create together. Both partners take responsibility for their actions, choices, and the energy they bring to the relationship. This doesn’t mean blaming each other when things go wrong, but rather understanding that both people have the power to shape the relationship. You choose how you show up for each other and what kind of life you build together.
- Leaving a Legacy Together
One of the most profound aspects of existential therapy is its invitation to think beyond the present moment. It encourages couples to ask: What kind of legacy do we want to leave behind? What is our “life after us” project? It’s not just about day-to-day tasks or surviving the next few years—it’s about what your relationship stands for in the grand scheme of life. Whether it’s the values you pass on to your children or the contributions you make to your community, thinking about legacy helps couples stay focused on what really matters and helps them build a meaningful life together.
Why It Works
Existential couples therapy works because it taps into something that’s fundamental to all of us: the need for meaning. We’re not just looking for a partner to share the mundane moments of life with—we’re looking for someone who helps us make sense of our existence, someone who walks with us through the uncertainty, and someone who gives us a sense of purpose.
When couples share a deeper understanding of life’s big questions and their own individual purposes, they’re able to build a stronger, more fulfilling partnership. This isn’t about fixing problems in a superficial way; it’s about creating a relationship that feels rich and meaningful at its core.
If you’re looking to strengthen your relationship in a deeper, more fulfilling way, consider taking the existential route. Existential couples therapy can help you and your partner reconnect with each other and with the bigger picture of life. It’s about building a relationship that’s not just about getting by, but about growing, facing challenges together, and living a life that feels full of purpose.
Out of eight billion people on the planet, you and your partner found each other. When you and your partner can find meaning together, everything else just seems to fall into place.
