Making It Work

“How do you do it?” I exclaimed, utterly flabbergasted. “How do your kids do all the things?”

I was talking to a friend of mine, who was telling me about the daily carpool process she and her family underwent most evenings after school. With multiple kids signed up for multiple sports and recreational activities, they were always on the go; and busy as they were, they were all excellent students, well-mannered, and very well behaved around adults and other peers. I couldn’t wrap my head around it.

She shrugged. “You just make it work,” she said.

In comparison to her family (and many, many others I know), my two kids don’t have much going on after school. They are Scouts (Boy and Girl, respectively); one has a weekly violin lesson and the other attends tutoring for math twice a week. That seems plenty enough – and for us, it is. But as I talked with friends and observed my kids’ classmates, we seemed to be on the lighter side of normal, and I became increasingly self-conscious about it.

The phrase “We don’t do many extracurricular activities” took on a life of its own, and changed its meaning depending on whom I was talking to. If one of my kids didn’t do well on a quiz, for example, and I was talking with their teacher about it, that phrase would mean “It’s not like he was so busy with afterschool activities that he didn’t study.” If I was talking to a friend or another school parent, that phrase would mean “I wish we did as many extracurriculars as everyone else does, because then we wouldn’t feel so left out.” Then the person I’d talk to would nod their head and complain about how crazy everything felt, and how exhausted they all were, in an effort, perhaps, to help me not feel so bad about the fact that my kids are not like most of the kids at their school.

And I did feel bad about it. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not a parent that looks down upon a bevy of extracurriculars. I think there is a great benefit to after-school clubs and participating on sports teams. But when it comes to the mental health of my family, it’s the best choice for us to not have the kids do more than what they do now. I had to come to grips with the fact that every family is different, and no matter the pressure we may feel to do more or to overextend, the health of our own particular families have to come first.

So my family did what everyone else has to do – made it work. Making it work for us was realizing that in this stage of my family’s life, this is what after school time looks like. Making it work is feeling the disappointment that we can’t do as much as other people, or maybe we’ll miss out on this social opportunity or that sports team, and being okay with that disappointment.

It’s also knowing that not everything works for everyone all of the time. Discovering what makes it work for your family is particular to you, even if other people may find it strange or unmanageable or difficult.

Here’s to making it work for you in this new year!

Until next time, be well!
Christy


Holi-Daze

I know that around this time of year, it’s normal for there to be a little extra hustle-and-bustle. The holidays are definitely on the way; and even though Halloween was not that long ago, the radio stations in town are already gearing up for their round-the-clock Christmas music. There are ingredients to buy and meals to prepare; gifts need to be thought of, bought, and wrapped; and this particular whirlwind is set into motion until the very last bit of confetti is swept away on New Year’s Day.

But this year, to me, feels more hustly-and-bustly than usual, and not just because I heard my first Christmas carol over the speaker at Kohl’s in the middle of October. It could be the current emotional climate that surrounds us, darkened by the recent (and not so recent) international conflicts occuring right now. It could be the swinging back to pre-Covid-levels of activity that has flared right back up in families’ homes. It could be the increasing pressure to get things “back to normal” after not having been normal for so long, or dealing with the fallout of that abnormal time.

Maybe you feel like you’re in a space where everything is just whizzing by, and you feel sad, really, because you were looking forward to this time of year all year long, and it seems like you’ll just miss it.

That’s just how I feel too; and to be honest, it’s a little scary, because like most people who struggle with anxiety, I don’t do well with overwhelm. When things pile up, my anxiety goes into overdrive and it takes me much longer to get much done at all, much less the things that really need to be done.

So what’s going on the top of my to-do list? Making sure I have the tools I need to break the “overwhelm cycle.” Not in a syrupy, all-about-me kind of way, but more in a practical, if-Mama’s-not-happy-then-nobody’s-happy kind of way. What works for me? I tend to do best with planning, organizing, getting rest and even (ugh) drinking plenty of water. I’m a religious person, so I take time to get my faith life situated. I also like to take some time – even if it’s just seconds! – to lift my head and look around to actually see my surroundings.

What works for you? What brings you peace? You may not have time (or the ability) to drop everything in this busy season to exclusively do those things, but maybe there’s a way to work them into your day.

The season, as exhilarating and lovely as it can be, will also not last forever. The new year will come, with all its joys and sorrows. Take the time you need for yourself now to help ease that transition for you! You are so, so worth it.

Until next time, be well!

Christy


Hobby Horse

Did you have a favorite hobby growing up? I don’t think many people collect postage stamps or baseball cards anymore, but maybe you’re a collector of something. One of my brothers collected Snapple bottles once he was finished with them – and learned the hard way about what happens when you leave a lot of unrinsed Snapple bottles in your room. (What happens is you get ants. Lots of ants.) I collected Bone comic books and, for a while, comic book trading cards. (It helped that my brother worked at a comic book store.) 

Did you know that it’s okay to have a hobby as an adult – and not only that, but it’s actually really good for you? Whether you’re into working with your hands (knitting, crocheting, woodcarving), using technology (HAM radio operating, creating a computer program), or getting artistic (painting, drawing, firing up the pottery wheel), you’ll be reaping the benefits.

Doing a hobby can be relaxing and meditative, and can take your mind off of worries and anxieties for a time. (It’s hard to both obsess about that embarrassing text you sent and count stitches on a knitting needle at the same time!) You also can cultivate skills that may be useful later in life. (I’m not saying that knowing how to operate a HAM radio would really be useful in a zombie apocalypse, but I’m also not not saying it, either.) It’s also helpful to know and use skills that have been -or are in danger of – being lost to time. 

And now that Spring is here, it’s also a great time of year to take up an outdoor hobby. Hiking is a great one, as is birdwatching. Gardening is also therapeutic – there is no little value in simply stepping outside of your door and breathing in fresh air!

But maybe you’re thinking, “I’ve heard all of this already. I don’t have time for hobbies – I only have time to drive my kids to their hobbies.” Fair enough. But the encouragement I can give you is to know that if you don’t make at least a little time for yourself, doing what you like just for you, it can really come back to bite you in the end. 

Your hobby doesn’t need to be perfect, or even a complete project. My mother-in-law, a master crocheter, recently gifted us a blanket that took nearly thirty years to complete. I have one that took me over a year to finish because I would only pick it up to work on it in small little snippets of time on the weekends. It doesn’t really matter how long it takes, or even if you’re any good at it. If you’re not, who cares? It’s a hobby for you, not for anyone else! 

No matter what you end up choosing, remember to just have fun with it!

Until next time, be well!

Christy

***

eTalkTherapy - talk with a counselor online

About the author: Christy Gualtieri is a freelance writer specializing in pop culture, religion, and motherhood. She lives in Pittsburgh with her husband and two children. Christy also blogs at asinglehour.wordpress.com and tweets @agapeflower117. You can  follow her here on eTalkTherapy for inspirational articles and different perspectives as they relate to good mental health.

Hobby Horse

Did you have a favorite hobby growing up? I don’t think many people collect postage stamps or baseball cards anymore, but maybe you’re a collector of something. One of my brothers collected Snapple bottles once he was finished with them – and learned the hard way about what happens when you leave a lot of unrinsed Snapple bottles in your room. (What happens is you get ants. Lots of ants.) I collected Bone comic books and, for a while, comic book trading cards. (It helped that my brother worked at a comic book store.) 

Did you know that it’s okay to have a hobby as an adult – and not only that, but it’s actually really good for you? Whether you’re into working with your hands (knitting, crocheting, woodcarving), using technology (HAM radio operating, creating a computer program), or getting artistic (painting, drawing, firing up the pottery wheel), you’ll be reaping the benefits.

Doing a hobby can be relaxing and meditative, and can take your mind off of worries and anxieties for a time. (It’s hard to both obsess about that embarrassing text you sent and count stitches on a knitting needle at the same time!) You also can cultivate skills that may be useful later in life. (I’m not saying that knowing how to operate a HAM radio would really be useful in a zombie apocalypse, but I’m also not not saying it, either.) It’s also helpful to know and use skills that have been -or are in danger of – being lost to time. 

And now that Spring is here, it’s also a great time of year to take up an outdoor hobby. Hiking is a great one, as is birdwatching. Gardening is also therapeutic – there is no little value in simply stepping outside of your door and breathing in fresh air!

But maybe you’re thinking, “I’ve heard all of this already. I don’t have time for hobbies – I only have time to drive my kids to their hobbies.” Fair enough. But the encouragement I can give you is to know that if you don’t make at least a little time for yourself, doing what you like just for you, it can really come back to bite you in the end. 

Your hobby doesn’t need to be perfect, or even a complete project. My mother-in-law, a master crocheter, recently gifted us a blanket that took nearly thirty years to complete. I have one that took me over a year to finish because I would only pick it up to work on it in small little snippets of time on the weekends. It doesn’t really matter how long it takes, or even if you’re any good at it. If you’re not, who cares? It’s a hobby for you, not for anyone else! 

No matter what you end up choosing, remember to just have fun with it!

Until next time, be well!

Christy

***

eTalkTherapy - talk with a counselor online

About the author: Christy Gualtieri is a freelance writer specializing in pop culture, religion, and motherhood. She lives in Pittsburgh with her husband and two children. Christy also blogs at asinglehour.wordpress.com and tweets @agapeflower117. You can  follow her here on eTalkTherapy for inspirational articles and different perspectives as they relate to good mental health.

Springing into a Great Book

Welcome, Spring! I’m partial to Autumn and Winter myself, but I can’t lie-I love a good Spring day, especially with warmer temperatures and sunsets that stretch out long past dinnertime. My husband is busy starting the seeds that will someday grow into peppers, tomatoes and beans, and although it’s early yet, I’ve begun seeing (and hearing!) the robins bounce about. I don’t know where you are in your Spring cleaning journey, but I’m just starting to entertain the idea.

Spring is a great time for renewal, but also a good time for checking out new books that remind us of the beauty of the season. If you’re in need of inspiration, I’ve put together a few that are a great ways to welcome Spring and embrace the nature lover in all of us:

Into The Wild by Jack Krakauer This is a must for all those who have been intrigued by the awesome power of the natural world: the harrowing (but ultimately hopeful) story of Chris McCandless, a young man who set out for the wilds of Alaska in order to embrace a life of freedom. 

Great Possessions: An Amish Farmer’s Journal by David Kline If you feel like getting lost in gorgeous descriptions of nature, check this book out! It’s a beautiful study of the four seasons and the life of simplicity that is often overlooked in our hectic society. 

The Drunken Botanist by Amy Stewart Ever wonder how plants play a role in our favorite adult beverages? This book is a fun, in-depth look at how a wide variety of plants are used in mixers and cocktails, and even includes recipes to try on your own at home. 

This Day: New and Collected Sabbath Poems 1979 – 2012 by Wendell Berry A long-known nature lover, environmentalist and activist, this collection of poems gorgeously highlights the beauty of the natural world, in moments big and small.

Collected Poems by Jane Kenyon Speaking of poetry, if you’re in the mood for simplicity, beauty, and peaceful stillness, this collection is one of the best. 

Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life by Barbara Kingsolver This is a fascinating true-life story of a family who decides to eat foods raised only in season and locally grown… for an entire year! Their observations about where our food comes from and the impact it has gives you a lot to think about. (Recipes are included in this one, too!)

No matter how you decide to celebrate the end of winter, I hope it’s a happy season of life for you.

Until next time, be well!

Christy 

eTalkTherapy - talk with a counselor online

About the author: Christy Gualtieri is a freelance writer specializing in pop culture, religion, and motherhood. She lives in Pittsburgh with her husband and two children. Christy also blogs at asinglehour.wordpress.com and tweets @agapeflower117. You can  follow her here on eTalkTherapy for inspirational articles and different perspectives as they relate to good mental health.

How Will Your Light Shine

The winter sun casts its long shadows. The darkness gathers quickly, and the cold wind blows. Yet, within each of us there kindles a small flame, a hopeful twinkle to answer the call of the long winter months ahead. How will your light shine in 2023? Where will you go and how will you measure success beyond your bank account or 401k statement?

Great things in life seldom happen without resolve and creative action. The fruits of your labor are the result of vision, meaning, hard work, and patience, and an understanding that you will likely not succeed before you accomplish something. But you will learn, and you will grow from both success and disappointment.

There’s some truth to what naysayers’ voice about resolutions, but the concept remains a good one. Used well, daily, and with meaningful intent, resolutions can provide a focal point needed to turn aspirations into that “new normal” we keep hearing about.

We all have answers to what we want out of life. The problem is we ask ourselves the wrong questions. Change “Why is this happening to me?” to “This is happening to me.” Lead with “How will I do this?” or “How will I make this helpful?” See the difference?  Now, say it out loud.  Most people who try something new are rarely successful on the first, second or even third try. Yet, they can persevere.

If a dream is worth dreaming, then it’s worth relentless passion and creative action to realize your true north. Perseverance and resolve are key. Little in life is accomplished without these. So rather than abandon your New Year’s resolutions, try adding this one: “I resolve to create a life worth living.” Ask yourself, “Where and what is my Polestar, my true north?”

Navigate those uncharted waters and stop being your own worst critic. Celebrate both your successes and failures. They make you who you are.

To be open to joy, acknowledge the suffering in you and others. Understand that commitment and kindness matter. Remind yourself frequently of what you hope to achieve and pursue it with an urgency that says my time here is short, with no guarantees. Life didn’t leave you behind. It’s starting now. These are more than just platitudes of encouragement; this is the reality of your existence. Show up, participate, feel sorrow, embrace joy, know disappointment, but above all else, embrace your Polestar.

May you head into 2023 believing you can make it a year filled with new goals, old dreams, and hope.

Peace and kindness,

Don

Life Lessons and the End of 2022

My daughter recently began violin lessons for the first time. We went to have her measured for the instrument, and I watched her as it was carefully packed up. She was so proud of it, sitting next to it in the car on the way home with an ever-protective hand hovering slightly over it in case of any unexpected bumps in the road.

When she began her first lesson, the instructor explained the different parts of the violin – the fingerboard, the neck, the shoulders, and only motioned toward its bow, still firmly nestled in its case.

“We won’t be using the bow for the first few weeks,” he explained, and then had my daughter hold the violin around its neck. “Now hold the violin up as high as you can,” he instructed, demonstrating for her, and she followed suit. “I call this the Statue of Liberty pose. Hold it there for a count of ten. Ten…nine…” when he counted down to one, he had her rest for a moment.

They went through a series of picking exercises, but I was most struck by the Statue of Liberty – the importance of strengthening the arm and hand muscles way before she’d get to playing any notes. It reminded me of working with my kids when they were in preschool with their scissor skills, reinforcing that connection between having the hand and finger strength to cut through construction paper and the later skills of handwriting.

Has 2022 felt like the Statue of Liberty pose to you? Was it uncomfortable? Just plain hard work? Maybe it was a disappointment because instead of getting to play with the bow and get fancy with your year right away, it instead ended up being a series of tough (but very important!) exercises. I think a lot of my year felt that way, too, but although it feels unglamorous and exhausting, there’s a lot of hope there. Where else can the tough times lead except resilience and strength over time? What can be gained from consistently holding up a weight except a stronger muscle, increased focus, and improved confidence?

As part of the violin practices my daughter was assigned throughout the week – moving the violin from rest position to playing position, playing a short, two-note song, etc. – time in the Statue of Liberty pose was also prescribed. I have a feeling that will continue long after she’s able to use the bow, maybe something she’ll have to do for years. And although I know it’s no fun, I’m glad for it, because it’s so much a microcosm of what our own lives are like: so many building-block moments that gradually build on themselves to become a larger picture.

It’s very rare that raw, natural talent delivers flawless performances right from the get-go. 99.999% of the time, we need discipline and practice and training to get where we want or need to go. My hope for you is that if 2022 was indeed a tough year for you, where you mostly just had to hold up your metaphorical arm for a very long time with very little rest, that 2023 and beyond will be filled with beautiful music you have made for yourself.

Until next time, be well!
Christy

***

eTalkTherapy - talk with a counselor online

About the author: Christy Gualtieri is a freelance writer specializing in pop culture, religion, and motherhood. She lives in Pittsburgh with her husband and two children. Christy also blogs at asinglehour.wordpress.com and tweets @agapeflower117. You can  follow her here on eTalkTherapy for inspirational articles and different perspectives as they relate to good mental health.

Gathered Around the Table

Well, here we are: the first “back to normal” Thanksgiving holiday since 2019; and like many Thanksgivings before it, it’s a time that can be fraught with heated political discussions, arguments, opinions, and time with family and friends that can seem incredibly heavy.

Or, not. It can also be a time of great relief, celebration, joy, eating delicious food that will lead to a fantastic nap on the couch while the Lions/Bills game blares in the background, and not much else.

Chances are, it may be a little of both, the way life is a lot of both. That’s usually the way it goes, even if the lovelier parts can be difficult to see through the muck of the daily grind. I can recall a Thanksgiving where we announced to our families that we were expecting our first child, and vividly recall the loud shouts of joy and the cheers that followed. A year later we didn’t see our family for Thanksgiving because my mother was dying and we had spent so much time traveling to be with her that we needed to stay put for a while. Same holiday, yet a very different feel to each one.

So I can understand the trepidation someone may feel when a big holiday is around the corner that may potentially cause problems. But I’d like to take this opportunity to gently remind you that while yes, Thanksgiving can be a holiday that may have historically been troublesome for you, that you are not the same person you were a year ago. In what ways have you changed since last Thanksgiving?

I know you may be thinking of the ways in which you feel you’ve changed for the worse since last year (that was my first impulse too), but try and push past that initial wave. Take some time to really think about it. You may feel some memories of a bad situation that happened in the last year, a sorrow or a problem; but you do have some resiliency – you are here, after all. In what ways have you gotten stronger (physically, emotionally, or spiritually)? Have you improved a skill? Have you dedicated your time to something outside yourself that has benefitted you in some way?

In what ways can we say we are stronger this year? Are you able to stand up for yourself in a setting where you’re getting together with people for the holiday? And if you do or not, what are some ways you can take care of yourself after the holiday has ended?

When I had issues with food and eating some years ago, one phrase around the fraught time of Halloween through New Year’s (and particularly Thanksgiving, because so much of it is surrounded by food) that I found really helpful was “_____ is just one day.” Thanksgiving is just one day.

I hope it’s a day for you that is mostly filled with celebration and joy. But if it is not, I hope that one day can be easily moved past. That you can look in the mirror that day or the next and recognize that you are stronger than you were a year ago. That you are able to think for yourself where you might not have been able to a year ago. That you are able to find what you need to give yourself more easily, in order to help you grow closer to peace and joy this year.

Until next time, be well!
Christy

***

eTalkTherapy - talk with a counselor online

About the author: Christy Gualtieri is a freelance writer specializing in pop culture, religion, and motherhood. She lives in Pittsburgh with her husband and two children. Christy also blogs at asinglehour.wordpress.com and tweets @agapeflower117. You can  follow her here on eTalkTherapy for inspirational articles and different perspectives as they relate to good mental health.

A Beautiful Example of Love and Friendship

Lesson Learned At the Bowling Alley

This past summer, I took my kids bowling for the first time in what felt like a million years. The lanes weren’t crowded, and it was a great place to head to beat the summer heat. As we played our first round of games, three men walked over to the lane beside us to start their games. One was a man with profound special needs, another seemed to be his caretaker, and another seemed to be his brother or a close friend.

The man with special needs was the only one bowling: they put up the bumpers so he wouldn’t get gutterballs, and he was having a great time sending the balls soaring down the heavily polished lane. He was excited when he knocked pins down and was frustrated when only one or two would go down, but over time, I realized I wasn’t watching him much at all: it was his brother (or the man who I assumed was his close friend) who caught my attention most.

He didn’t bowl, but he boisterously encouraged his friend through every try. “You got it!” he’d say by way of encouragement before the ball went down the lane. “That was a great shot.” When the pins would be knocked down, he’d say admiringly, “No one can bowl like you, that was amazing.” If not all the pins went down, he’d say, “Don’t worry, you’ll get them next time!”

Just simple encouragement, the entire time in a voice that was not condescending, or apologetic but 100% genuine. He was proud, and it was indeed no big deal that this man who was his friend was bowling just like everyone else.

The thing that struck me most about the exchange that I saw was that it cost this man literally nothing to be so encouraging. He didn’t have to, after all; he could have taken his friend bowling and nodded or given a few claps here or there. But he didn’t – he made the choice to be completely in the moment and a beautiful example of love and friendship.

I think often now about those moments that I am afraid to encourage people in my life. Why am I afraid to do that more often? Is it because of how I think I will look to others? Is it because I will make others suspicious? Is it because I’m afraid of getting ridiculed too? I don’t know. It gave me food for thought, though, and maybe this story will give you some, as well.

Who can you encourage in your life today? Who can we reach out to, as genuinely as possible, to lift up? Is there anyone in your own life you seek encouragement from when you’re down? We all have the ability to lift others up when we come across them, and it doesn’t cost us anything to put a smile on someone’s face. Give it a try today!

Until next time, be well!
Christy

***

eTalkTherapy - talk with a counselor online

About the author: Christy Gualtieri is a freelance writer specializing in pop culture, religion, and motherhood. She lives in Pittsburgh with her husband and two children. Christy also blogs at asinglehour.wordpress.com and tweets @agapeflower117. You can  follow her here on eTalkTherapy for inspirational articles and different perspectives as they relate to good mental health.

Four Ways to Improve Your Mood and Find a New Perspective

Navigating Your Life in a Post-Pandemic World

I have no idea if you’re a Millennial, Gen-Z, or a Boomer, but I fall somewhere in what is known as the “Xennial” generation – the tail end of Gen X and the very beginning of the Millennial years. I didn’t grow up with a computer or a phone, and I was well into adulthood when I was able to use Google Maps to get around. Before then, I had to write directions down on a piece of paper – and then later was excited to print out the directions from MapQuest. I would study my odometer to figure out if I had to turn left after 0.8 miles – and to figure out how long 0.8 miles was! Now things are so much quicker with the ability to navigate on my phone, I don’t have to worry about how exactly to get around in my car.

What I do still need to do though, is navigate through my life. There’s no app for that yet (although I wouldn’t really want one if there was!) And it can seem just as difficult to know how to get through one day to the next, especially with the backdrop of the pandemic still affecting us. Here are a few tips and tricks that I’ve found helpful, and that may help you, too!

  1. Know Where You’re Going. Like any trip you take, you’ll feel successful once you know where it is that you’re going. You may think, “But I am so anxious/depressed/sad/unstable to know where my life is going!” Fair enough – I think the same thing all the time! But I’m talking about a small trip. If you feel you can’t make it through the day, can your destination be to make it three hours from now? Can you make it to the next ten minutes? Find a destination that is as small as you need it to be. If you can get there, take a deep breath, and realize that you made it.
  1. Pack Your Snacks. No road trip is complete without snacks, and that goes for the days when you’re not physically going anywhere, either. Make sure to eat throughout the day and to drink water, too. No shame intended and I know it’s hard sometimes, but try to make your food as healthy as you can make it for the moment – physical discomfort is not a lot of fun when paired with mental and emotional discomfort.
  1. Keep Good Company. Car trips do go by faster with a friend traveling with you, and that’s true for life, as well. But if you’re unable to see people regularly, what can you fill the journey with? If you’re into listening to podcasts, audiobooks and music, check your local library for new ones to try. Ask friends for some recommendations for new books to read or what show to stream. Keep in touch with more phone calls and Facetimes with family members you haven’t seen in a long time! But remember that there’s a time for much-needed silence, too. If you’re feeling frazzled and overwhelmed by too much screen time, try to carve out some room (seriously, just two or three minutes to start) to sit in silence and enjoy the quiet.
  1. Look around you. On car trips, we can be so focused on the road ahead of us and our directions that we might forget to look around at the landscape a bit. What’s in front of you today that you haven’t noticed? Are there new flowers in your neighborhood now that Spring is here? Have you noticed the days growing longer and the sun taking more time to set? Try to take a look around a few more times during your day – a little thing can help a lot!

These are just a few ideas to help with navigating these next few weeks. I hope they are a help for you, and please feel free to reach out to etalktherapy.com for professionals to talk to!

Until next time, be well!
Christy

***

eTalkTherapy - talk with a counselor online

About the author: Christy Gualtieri is a freelance writer specializing in pop culture, religion, and motherhood. She lives in Pittsburgh with her husband and two children. Christy also blogs at asinglehour.wordpress.com and tweets @agapeflower117. You can  follow her here on eTalkTherapy for inspirational articles and different perspectives as they relate to good mental health.

The Importance of Making Eye Contact

The Importance of making eye contact

The Eyes Have It

Shortly before the Covid lockdowns, a neighbor of mine published her first novel. She held a book reading and signing in an art gallery downtown, complete with a wine and cheese reception and stacks of books for sale (stacks that rapidly dwindled; she is an excellent writer). After she read a passage from the novel and fielded some questions from the audience, we lined up with our copies and waited our turn as she graciously spoke with us and signed them.

The art gallery that held the reception was floor-to-ceiling abstract art that held some works in progress as well as completed pieces. As I waited in line and sipped my wine, a tall man stood behind me. I recognized him as the owner of the gallery: in his forties, or thereabouts; not very young, but with hair and a beard that had yet to show any signs of gray.

We chatted about his studio and I admired his work. He talked about another art studio that he had in Brooklyn, and mentioned that he and his wife traveled back and forth between the two quite a bit. Not knowing – or even thinking – about how in a month, the idea of travel like that would be impossible because of the virus, I commented on how great it all sounded.

He was a very kind man, and what struck me most about our conversation was that he looked me in the eyes the entire time we were talking. I’m the kind of person who often looks around as I talk, trying to find the right words, but he wasn’t like that. He genuinely listened as I talked, not interrupting, and waited until I finished with a sentence before starting his.

I should be honest: it was jarring! I was so used to the folks in my life being much like myself by talking over each other, interrupting here and there (not impolitely, of course, we just enjoy lively conversation). But the owner of the art gallery didn’t do any of that. And not just with me, either: with everyone he talked to, he did the same thing. Listened, conversed, and looked them right in the eyes the entire time.

It was a wonderful feeling, probably similar to what the kids say these days when they say “I feel seen.” Being looked at in the eyes when someone is talking to you validates you, makes you feel as though you are worth looking at.

And you are worth looking at.

I remembered this the other day when I was thinking about how long it’s been now that we’ve been wearing masks that have covered up most of our faces, leaving pretty much just our eyes. Our eyes have had to do a lot more of the work communicating our thoughts and feelings this past year. What have your eyes told others this year? What have your friends’, and your neighbors’ eyes told you? Have you looked? In the mirror, what do you see in your own eyes?

There has been a lot to reflect on when it comes to the pandemic – years’ and years’ worth. There was plenty of suffering to be had (and still even so today). But one thing that may have served us well is the ability to look each other in the eye. It’s something that I hope we can keep up, long after the blessed day when the all-clear has been sounded!

Until next time, be well!
Christy

***

eTalkTherapy - talk with a counselor online

About the author: Christy Gualtieri is a freelance writer specializing in pop culture, religion, and motherhood. She lives in Pittsburgh with her husband and two children. Christy also blogs at asinglehour.wordpress.com and tweets @agapeflower117. You can  follow her here on eTalkTherapy for inspirational articles and different perspectives as they relate to good mental health.

Mindfulness and being in the moment

The Benefits of Mindfulness

Why slowing down is good for your mental health

When we were first married, my husband and I liked to play video games. One of our favorites was Guitar Hero – do you remember that one? You’d have this guitar-shaped controller and you’d “play” along with whatever song. When you got high enough scores on the “album,” you could move on to the next level. One song I had a particularly tough time with in the beginning was “Slow Ride,” by Foghat. It doesn’t seem like that difficult of a song to play along to, but it was hard for me!

I find that for me, things that are slow or require a long period of concentration or work is hard for me. Crocheting, for instance. I like to do it, and I’m working on a blanket now for my daughter that’s taken a full year to complete. (Her bed is not that big.) I’m so used to things moving so quickly – my Internet, phone, etc. – that I have a hard time waiting.

“Slow ride…take it easy”? I don’t think so! If there’s something to know, I’d like to know it right now, please!

But I read the other day about a great concept of “slow entertainment” that was made popular in Norway a few years ago. A Norwegian filmmaker strapped a camera to the front of a train that was embarking on a seven-hour trip, and filmed the whole thing in its entirety. Norwegian state television aired the whole thing uncut, and it was a huge success! People loved it. It wasn’t flashy, wasn’t loud or terribly exciting, and yet people embraced its slowness.

Young children love to embrace slowness, too, especially on walks. This time last year, when the pandemic was first really becoming a reality, the kids and I would take walks around the block to watch Spring unfold before us. And you’d better believe that there was a splash (or several) in every puddle, a look under every big rock, a pointing finger at every blooming tree where the birds’ nests were still visible in its branches. Those walks, which normally take about ten minutes at a decent clip, took far longer with the kids because it was necessary to slowly take in all the wonder of it.

Life has certainly slowed down for all of us. But as it (slowly) begins to pick back up, what are some things you’re going to keep doing? Is it reading a book, enjoying a meal or time with friends and family? It could be anything that brings you joy, be it big or small.

It may take time to adjust to the new wonders that will come out of all of this. But I hope you find them and savor them as much as you can!

Until next time, be well!
Christy

***

eTalkTherapy - talk with a counselor online

About the author: Christy Gualtieri is a freelance writer specializing in pop culture, religion, and motherhood. She lives in Pittsburgh with her husband and two children. Christy also blogs at asinglehour.wordpress.com and tweets @agapeflower117. You can  follow her here on eTalkTherapy for inspirational articles and different perspectives as they relate to good mental health.