Tag: peace

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My Anxiety: A Play In One Act

by Christy Gualtieri

Everyone processes their anxieties differently, and not everyone worries about the same things. Some people worry about catastrophic events; some people worry about weather patterns; some worry about economic situations. If you’re like me, you’ll worry about everything. Equal-opportunity worrier.

Not only that, if things are going relatively well in your life, you’ll go out in search for things to worry about. Why in the world would anyone want to do this, you might ask? Well, for me, it’s partly because 1) I’ve been doing it for so long that it’s become a daily habit; and 2) because in a twisted, really weird way, my mind thinks it works.

For example: if I have an important appointment coming up, and I worry about it to the point of not being able to take care of myself, and the appointment turns out okay, then my worrying made it better. Or, if I worry about it and it turns out I had something to worry about in the first place, then I was “right” to worry. It’s messed up, I know. But I’ve spent more than a decade now working to unravel the worrying process and getting to a point where I can better control the anxiety.

Want to know what it’s like for me? Picture this:

[Setting: CHRISTY’s home.  It’s a beautiful day, things are going well.]

CHRISTY:

What a wonderful afternoon! The kids are playing by themselves, all the chores are done around the house, I’m all caught up with work…things are feeling pretty good right now! Maybe I’ll —

[There’s a KNOCK at the door.  CHRISTY opens it. ANXIETY is standing there.]

ANXIETY:

Hey girl, heyyy.

CHRISTY:

Oh, um, hey.

[ANXIETY walks right in, holding a calendar in one hand and a clock in the other.]

ANXIETY:

Wow, look at you! All accomplished. Dishes are done and everything! Nice. Listen, there’s 47 hours until your daughter’s dentist appointment! It’s her first one, right? You know she likes juice more than your son does. And sugar, too. What’s her favorite breakfast again?

CHRISTY:

Um…

[Looking past ANXIETY out the door, hoping to get her out]

Pancakes.

ANXIETY:

Right! With syrup and whipped cream. Anyway, are you ready?

[She closes the door behind her and walks further into the house.]

CHRISTY:

Well, I mean, we brush her teeth twice a day, and they look okay. It’s not like –

ANXIETY:

[Interrupting]

No, I mean, like are you packed?

CHRISTY:

Packed?

ANXIETY:

Yes.  Did you pack her stuff? Because she’s probably going to be taken away from you.

CHRISTY:

What?

ANXIETY:

You can’t have a child with a mouth full of rotting teeth and, like, expect to keep her.

CHRISTY:

That is crazy! You –

ANXIETY:

Anyway, so you have the dentist. What else is up this week? Anyone leaving the house in a car?

CHRISTY:

[weakly]

My son rides the bus to school.

ANXIETY:

Oh right! Yeah, he’ll probably get run over getting to it.

CHRISTY:

Well, now, wait a minute —

ANXIETY:

Do you not watch the news? It happens every day. EVERY DAY.

[There’s another knock on the door.]

I’ll get it.

[ANXIETY opens the door to reveal a smooth-looking man and beautiful woman.]  Oh hey, it’s INSECURITY and PANIC! What’s up!!

PANIC:

Whaaaaaat’s up! Hope you’re ready to party! I bought some sweet drinks.  This one’s called…

[Checks label]

“Crying In The Shower,” and I got a six-pack of “Constantly Nauseous!”

[He walks over to the table and pours himself a huge glass.]

INSECURITY:

My Instagram is, like, blowing up. You have to check this out – so many beautiful posts from people who actually have their lives together!

ANXIETY:

So the opposite of Christy, then?

[PANIC spit-takes his drink.]

INSECURITY:

It’s awesome! You could seriously scroll all day and actually feel yourself turning into something less than a human being.

ANXIETY:

How long has Christy been on it today?

INSECURITY:

Ooh, let me check! Um…forty-seven minutes.

ANXIETY:

In just one day?!

CHRISTY:

(weakly)

I think you guys better leave.

[Everyone clearly ignores CHRISTY.]

INSECURITY:

Look. Here’s a woman who has five kids – five! – and homeschools and has a beautiful house and makes her own kimchi and is probably a model. How many kids do you have, Christy?

CHRISTY:

Two.

INSECURITY:

Hmm.

CHRISTY:

I have a house, though! I mean, it’s not clean, but —

INSECURITY:

Don’t be stupid. No one has a clean house in real life, Christy. At least get some decent filters for your camera so it can LOOK like you do.

ANXIETY:

[Horrified]

Do you seriously not have filters?

CHRISTY:

I don’t take pictures of my house!

ANXIETY:

Oh, that’s right. Good luck finding a job doing anything online. No one’s going to relate to you as a blogger if you don’t show pictures of your house. Or your family.

INSECURITY:

Or your dog.

CHRISTY:

We don’t have any pets.

INSECURITY:

Why do you hate animals so much?

PANIC:

You are seriously the worst person ever.

CHRISTY:

I…

PANIC:

Yo, listen, I have a great idea. Let’s hang out here for a few days. My schedule’s open, how about you guys? It’s the winter, it’s snowing out, there’s not much going on, what do you say?

CHRISTY:

I’m not feeling so well, guys. I think I’m going to take a shower.

ANXIETY:

No worries, we’ll be here when you get out.

PANIC:

[Calling after CHRISTY]

Don’t forget to cry!

__

My mind could definitely benefit from someone putting a stop to pretty much all of this. My ideal scenario? Kind of looks like this:

[Setting: CHRISTY’s home. She’s in the family room, about to sit on the couch, and on a chair nearby a huge, incredibly bulky man wearing a tight-fitting shirt that says CALM on it sits, silently knitting.]

CHRISTY:

Man, it’s been a rough day today. The kids were out of control and work was crazy, but I finally have some time to myself to actually calm down and relax for a minute.

[KNOCK at the door.]

Oh, hey, could you get that?

[CALM gets up, walks to the door, and sees ANXIETY, INSECURITY, and PANIC standing outside, craning their necks to try to peek in.]

ANXIETY:

Oh, hi, is Christy home?

PANIC:

Yeah, we haven’t seen her in a while, just wanted to stop by and —

[CALM looks at them, completely stone-faced. He looks them over, lifts up his hand, and slams the door in their faces. He returns to the chair, picks up his knitting and resumes his work as though nothing had happened.]

CHRISTY:

Thanks!

I’m not there yet, but my hope is that I’ll get there one day. And I know it seems silly, but the next time you are overwhelmed with anxiety and worry, try writing out your concerns – they might take on a different light once they’re out of your head!

Until next time, be well!
Christy

 

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31 Days of Change

by Don Laird, NCC, LPC, DCC

Ah, keeping our New Year’s Resolutions. We all talk a good game, but by the second or third week of January it all quickly goes downhill. So, what are your obstacles? How many of them are self-imposed? Are you better at making excuses than creating solutions? You’re not alone. Research demonstrates that most people fail to keep New Year Resolutions. Perhaps this year you can take a different approach.

Commitment is a choice. The moment you allow an excuse to become an obstacle is the moment you rob yourself of choice. And a life without choice is not really worth living. Rather than set some lofty resolutions, plan to use each day of January to think about and implement one lifestyle change that is realistic and obtainable. Meeting a goal, even a simple one, requires a major mind shift. Take a look below at my plan for the first 31 days of 2019. Perhaps some of my goals match yours? Join me. Email me at etalktherapy@gmail.com to let me know how you are doing throughout 2019 with keeping your resolutions. If some of my ideas don’t fit, then tweak them to suit your lifestyle. Keep them moving forward and never allow them to be far from your daily routine. Remember, most obstacles are self-imposed.  You have only yourself to blame if you can’t follow through.

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Download the 31 Days of Change Calendar and best of luck!! Happy 2019!! Feel free to drop me an email if you need clarification on any of these resolutions or goals. If you wish to explore or tend to your mental health needs in 2019, please reach out to me through email, phone or this website.

In good health,
Don

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Summer Sweetness (With Bonus Recipe!)

by Christy Gualtieri

It’s Summer, and the kids down the street have set up a lemonade stand.  There are about eight kids; the oldest is about ten, and it’s pure mayhem at first: running back and forth into the house to get the pitchers and cups, long disappearances to make the lemonade (both pink and yellow), splashes and spills galore.

And not one customer…yet. It’s blazing hot, one of the first really hot days of the year, and I think about how growing up in Miami, there weren’t many lemonade stands in my neighborhood because no one would be crazy enough to set up shop in such intense heat and humidity.  I loved that these kids were out here, though: I loved their hustle, and I loved the fact that even though we live on a street that gets very little traffic, both foot and car, they were out there anyway.

I walk down with a few bucks (each cup costs a quarter, but I knew once both my kids got a taste of it, there’d be many cups asked for), sit on the steps, and observe. The older kids busy themselves with pouring out the drinks, as the littlest ones try to learn how to wait in line patiently without crowding. Two middle school boys walk up the street, each walking a dog, and buy a cup. They look so grown up contrasted against the toddlers, and I wonder what my own kids will be like, perched on the edge of teenagerhood like that. My son takes it upon himself to stand at the very edge of the driveway and put his hand out to stop cars passing by, trying to force them to stop and buy a cup, but no cars come by.  A neighbor’s getting their lawns landscaped, and their team comes over for a few cups. It’s a big order, and the kids rush back to the house in their excitement to hurry up and make a fresh pitcher.

After about an hour, the heat is just too much, and the kids decide to pack it in.  They’ve made eight dollars, and they want to donate it to Children’s Hospital. The mom in charge thanks them and wisely suggests that they should run a few more stands throughout the season and make a bigger donation at the end. The kids try to clean up, but it’s mostly the mom who does it as the kids run around back and hit the trampoline. Summer achievements, lemonade stand and trampoline time, unlocked!

__

Lemonade is not really my thing, it’s pretty sweet, but I am a huge lover of iced coffee, especially with half-and-half. For Mother’s Day last year, my husband gifted me with a two-gallon glass beverage container, and so I use that to make several batches throughout the season (the iced coffee should last about three weeks). The recipe is below, and it’s perfect for powering through a hazy Summer afternoon both at home taking care of children or at the office waiting for that end-of-day whistle to blow. This makes a huge amount (about two gallons), but feel free to halve the recipe (or even quarter it) for your needs.

You’ll need: A large plastic container, 10 oz. (a full can) of espresso (I prefer Cafe Bustelo, in the yellow can or the vacuum pack), water, a dishtowel, a large pitcher or other container that will hold your finished iced coffee, a measuring cup, and cheesecloth or some other fine mesh or synthetic strainer (I recommend these from Amazon.)

How to:

  1. Fill your large plastic container with 2 gallons (8 quarts) of water.
  2. Open the coffee can and pour it all in, mixing it around with a spatula so all of the grounds are saturated.  It’ll float on top for a while and take a couple of minutes to descend down. (You can also start out the opposite way, with the grounds in the container first, and then add the water to it.  Just make sure all of the grounds are wet.)
  3. Cover the container with a dishtowel and leave it, unattended, for 8-12 hours.
  4. Uncover the container, and bring over your pitcher or whatever you’re going to use to hold your finished iced coffee.  Affix your cheesecloth or strainer on top of the pitcher, and using a measuring cup, start pouring the coffee into the pitcher.  The grounds should stay in the cheesecloth or strainer.
  5. That’s it! Discard the grounds, or save them for your compost pile – excellent for the garden! Store your new iced coffee in the fridge, pour over ice in a glass and add whatever you like, sweetener, half-and-half, milk, or even sweetened condensed milk – and enjoy!

Until next time, be well!
Christy

 

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The Sounds of Silence

by Don Laird, MS, NCC, LPC, DCC

Culturally, spiritually and psychologically we live in a paradox. We retreat from our call-to-being by crafting stylish diversions. All neatly self-manufactured to conveniently bypass the chaotic backwoods of our lives rather than direct us on a path through the Terra Incognita. Yet, we crave something more beyond our smartly planned objectives. “Be still and know that I am God,” the Christian Psalm tells us. Stillness, tranquility, peacefulness, calm and concentration; the Buddhists call it Samatha.

Our raison d’être for exploring the geography of psyche is to discover deeper and lasting meaning, direction and rationale through an evident lack of meaning, direction and rationale in our world.  Consequently, occupation, career, acquisitiveness, and changing technology and systems are now endemic throughout our collective and personal unconscious. Taking the time to work through a crisis, even a relatively minor one, requires us to concede that our bridges are not so stylish, not so sturdy, and not so safe. The map plainly illustrates that monsters of yore have been replaced with meaninglessness, steady bi-product of lives left unquestioned and existential anxiety unchecked. Sadly, our egos are not well-versed in plotting an effective course, and anxiety swells while we further devise elevated, objective methods to escape the natural world lingering below.

This increased anxiety results in a further distancing from our creative selves, while we force as much activity and noise into our psyche in a self-medicating attempt to obscure the call. Reality television, smart devices, texting, instant messaging, music and movies on demand, are now directly accessible in packages that are engaging on the surface, but are highly symptomatic of our creative insolvency. These diversions, void of personal meaning and substance, nurture our digressions and weaken our creative and psychological vigor.

Simply put, we’ve become bored with our lives.

Therapists have an obligation to be familiar with the creative influence of stillness and the empowerment of silence as an art, not a technique. In recent years, our profession has demanded we circumvent the prickly subject of being still; a quiet mind is metaphorically viewed as a “devil’s playground,” and most empirical validated therapies heed this adage.

Stay distracted, rate your feelings on a arbitrary scale of 1-10 , complete the therapeutic homework and your symptoms will decrease. However, the wellspring of an individual’s malaise remains unattended like a super-sized, hyperactive child running amok in a jungle-gym of smoke and mirrors. The inexhaustible revisions in textbooks, the pretentiousness of clinical research and statistics, the departmental and administrative meetings, and the suggestion that we as therapists somehow provide helpful and informed solutions for others, exhibits the inane, magical thinking that plagues our human sciences. Positive thoughts will explain away pain, while CBT workbooks will change behaviors.

Let us never lose sight of what Toto revealed behind the curtain.

Within the context of the creative process, our ability to integrate psyche is possible if executed with care, compassion and understanding. Just as a tree is an arrangement of numerous substances that compose its treeness, imagination and vision tend to present as multifaceted essentials. There are many roots to the same tree all moving in different directions, but sharing common qualities. The same could be said for the creative process, be it writing, painting, sculpting, or composing music. The cohesive bond shared between artist and expression is a silent channel of communication that is open, deep and provides connectivity to the psyche in a creative style.

It is our creative and artistic endeavors that become the conduit for change, and it’s here that the spiritual essence of an individual-in-the-world can be called forth. Psyche is always with us.

Exploring the crossroads of creativity and psyche reawakens our conception and understanding of both. The most prized gift we can give the other is our creative presence. This presence need not be spoken in any language other than that of the artist’s silence. When our presence is attentive it blooms within us and others, crafting an otherwise ordinary encounter into a rich tapestry on a weaver’s endless loom.

In good health,
Don