Humans adapt, for better or worse. When times are turbulent, we grow more cautious and fearful, maybe even bitter. We learn how to scrimp and save, sometimes to a fault. Some of us become industrious, some of us become increasingly afraid. Some of us learn to ride the waves, and some even go with the flow.
I was thinking about adaptation recently as the holiday season approaches, about holiday gatherings and seeing friends and family. I’m sure you’ve seen the endless ads showing families happily reuniting, pre-Covid style, picking up where 2019 left off – I’ve seen them too. But what do you do if you don’t want to see other people? What if you don’t want to go back to normal because normal in 2021 isn’t what normal was back in 2019. What if it hurts to go back to normal?
In Plato’s Allegory of the Cave, the people who are chained to the wall in the cave, once they are persuaded to go up into the light of the sun, are in pain at first. The sunlight burns their eyes; it’s not comfortable. In a similar way, we can be in pain this holiday season, because it can feel overwhelming to act like everything is okay when we’ve been told for a very long time that it is not. It’s a lot for a person to wrestle with, and we don’t all adjust and adapt in the same way.
All of this to say: before the hustle and bustle of the season really gets underway, before you make any travel plans or do too much shopping that it’s okay (and maybe even necessary) to check in with yourself first. How are you feeling physically? Emotionally? Where are you in pain? Where do you feel the most healthy? There is nothing wrong with going slowly, if you need to. There is nothing wrong with taking some time to think about what you would like or need from those you would like to visit with this holiday season, and there’s nothing wrong with asking.
It’s not the easiest thing to do, I know. It’s hard when other people are adjusting to life at a different speed than you are, even members of your own families or close friends. That can be painful, too. But just remember that you are worth the time you need to take to figure things out in your own time.
This holiday, give yourself the gift of listening – to yourself. Ask questions and really listen to your inner voice without judgment. I wish you and your family a wonderful holiday season (no matter with how many people – or few! – you decide to celebrate with)!
Until next time, be well!
About the author: Christy Gualtieri is a freelance writer specializing in pop culture, religion, and motherhood. She lives in Pittsburgh with her husband and two children. Christy also blogs at asinglehour.wordpress.com and tweets @agapeflower117. You can follow her here on eTalkTherapy for inspirational articles and different perspectives as they relate to good mental health.