“How do you do it?” I exclaimed, utterly flabbergasted. “How do your kids do all the things?”

I was talking to a friend of mine, who was telling me about the daily carpool process she and her family underwent most evenings after school. With multiple kids signed up for multiple sports and recreational activities, they were always on the go; and busy as they were, they were all excellent students, well-mannered, and very well behaved around adults and other peers. I couldn’t wrap my head around it.

She shrugged. “You just make it work,” she said.

In comparison to her family (and many, many others I know), my two kids don’t have much going on after school. They are Scouts (Boy and Girl, respectively); one has a weekly violin lesson and the other attends tutoring for math twice a week. That seems plenty enough – and for us, it is. But as I talked with friends and observed my kids’ classmates, we seemed to be on the lighter side of normal, and I became increasingly self-conscious about it.

The phrase “We don’t do many extracurricular activities” took on a life of its own, and changed its meaning depending on whom I was talking to. If one of my kids didn’t do well on a quiz, for example, and I was talking with their teacher about it, that phrase would mean “It’s not like he was so busy with afterschool activities that he didn’t study.” If I was talking to a friend or another school parent, that phrase would mean “I wish we did as many extracurriculars as everyone else does, because then we wouldn’t feel so left out.” Then the person I’d talk to would nod their head and complain about how crazy everything felt, and how exhausted they all were, in an effort, perhaps, to help me not feel so bad about the fact that my kids are not like most of the kids at their school.

And I did feel bad about it. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not a parent that looks down upon a bevy of extracurriculars. I think there is a great benefit to after-school clubs and participating on sports teams. But when it comes to the mental health of my family, it’s the best choice for us to not have the kids do more than what they do now. I had to come to grips with the fact that every family is different, and no matter the pressure we may feel to do more or to overextend, the health of our own particular families have to come first.

So my family did what everyone else has to do – made it work. Making it work for us was realizing that in this stage of my family’s life, this is what after school time looks like. Making it work is feeling the disappointment that we can’t do as much as other people, or maybe we’ll miss out on this social opportunity or that sports team, and being okay with that disappointment.

It’s also knowing that not everything works for everyone all of the time. Discovering what makes it work for your family is particular to you, even if other people may find it strange or unmanageable or difficult.

Here’s to making it work for you in this new year!

Until next time, be well!
Christy

Holi-Daze

I know that around this time of year, it’s normal for there to be a little extra hustle-and-bustle. The holidays are definitely on the way; and even though Halloween was not that long ago, the radio stations in town are already gearing up for their round-the-clock Christmas music. There are ingredients to buy and meals to prepare; gifts need to be thought of, bought, and wrapped; and this particular whirlwind is set into motion until the very last bit of confetti is swept away on New Year’s Day.

But this year, to me, feels more hustly-and-bustly than usual, and not just because I heard my first Christmas carol over the speaker at Kohl’s in the middle of October. It could be the current emotional climate that surrounds us, darkened by the recent (and not so recent) international conflicts occuring right now. It could be the swinging back to pre-Covid-levels of activity that has flared right back up in families’ homes. It could be the increasing pressure to get things “back to normal” after not having been normal for so long, or dealing with the fallout of that abnormal time.

Maybe you feel like you’re in a space where everything is just whizzing by, and you feel sad, really, because you were looking forward to this time of year all year long, and it seems like you’ll just miss it.

That’s just how I feel too; and to be honest, it’s a little scary, because like most people who struggle with anxiety, I don’t do well with overwhelm. When things pile up, my anxiety goes into overdrive and it takes me much longer to get much done at all, much less the things that really need to be done.

So what’s going on the top of my to-do list? Making sure I have the tools I need to break the “overwhelm cycle.” Not in a syrupy, all-about-me kind of way, but more in a practical, if-Mama’s-not-happy-then-nobody’s-happy kind of way. What works for me? I tend to do best with planning, organizing, getting rest and even (ugh) drinking plenty of water. I’m a religious person, so I take time to get my faith life situated. I also like to take some time – even if it’s just seconds! – to lift my head and look around to actually see my surroundings.

What works for you? What brings you peace? You may not have time (or the ability) to drop everything in this busy season to exclusively do those things, but maybe there’s a way to work them into your day.

The season, as exhilarating and lovely as it can be, will also not last forever. The new year will come, with all its joys and sorrows. Take the time you need for yourself now to help ease that transition for you! You are so, so worth it.

Until next time, be well!

Christy

Hobby Horse

Did you have a favorite hobby growing up? I don’t think many people collect postage stamps or baseball cards anymore, but maybe you’re a collector of something. One of my brothers collected Snapple bottles once he was finished with them – and learned the hard way about what happens when you leave a lot of unrinsed Snapple bottles in your room. (What happens is you get ants. Lots of ants.) I collected Bone comic books and, for a while, comic book trading cards. (It helped that my brother worked at a comic book store.) 

Did you know that it’s okay to have a hobby as an adult – and not only that, but it’s actually really good for you? Whether you’re into working with your hands (knitting, crocheting, woodcarving), using technology (HAM radio operating, creating a computer program), or getting artistic (painting, drawing, firing up the pottery wheel), you’ll be reaping the benefits.

Doing a hobby can be relaxing and meditative, and can take your mind off of worries and anxieties for a time. (It’s hard to both obsess about that embarrassing text you sent and count stitches on a knitting needle at the same time!) You also can cultivate skills that may be useful later in life. (I’m not saying that knowing how to operate a HAM radio would really be useful in a zombie apocalypse, but I’m also not not saying it, either.) It’s also helpful to know and use skills that have been -or are in danger of – being lost to time. 

And now that Spring is here, it’s also a great time of year to take up an outdoor hobby. Hiking is a great one, as is birdwatching. Gardening is also therapeutic – there is no little value in simply stepping outside of your door and breathing in fresh air!

But maybe you’re thinking, “I’ve heard all of this already. I don’t have time for hobbies – I only have time to drive my kids to their hobbies.” Fair enough. But the encouragement I can give you is to know that if you don’t make at least a little time for yourself, doing what you like just for you, it can really come back to bite you in the end. 

Your hobby doesn’t need to be perfect, or even a complete project. My mother-in-law, a master crocheter, recently gifted us a blanket that took nearly thirty years to complete. I have one that took me over a year to finish because I would only pick it up to work on it in small little snippets of time on the weekends. It doesn’t really matter how long it takes, or even if you’re any good at it. If you’re not, who cares? It’s a hobby for you, not for anyone else! 

No matter what you end up choosing, remember to just have fun with it!

Until next time, be well!

Christy

***

About the author: Christy Gualtieri is a freelance writer specializing in pop culture, religion, and motherhood. She lives in Pittsburgh with her husband and two children. Christy also blogs at asinglehour.wordpress.com and tweets @agapeflower117. You can  follow her here on eTalkTherapy for inspirational articles and different perspectives as they relate to good mental health.

Did you have a favorite hobby growing up? I don’t think many people collect postage stamps or baseball cards anymore, but maybe you’re a collector of something. One of my brothers collected Snapple bottles once he was finished with them – and learned the hard way about what happens when you leave a lot of unrinsed Snapple bottles in your room. (What happens is you get ants. Lots of ants.) I collected Bone comic books and, for a while, comic book trading cards. (It helped that my brother worked at a comic book store.) 

Did you know that it’s okay to have a hobby as an adult – and not only that, but it’s actually really good for you? Whether you’re into working with your hands (knitting, crocheting, woodcarving), using technology (HAM radio operating, creating a computer program), or getting artistic (painting, drawing, firing up the pottery wheel), you’ll be reaping the benefits.

Doing a hobby can be relaxing and meditative, and can take your mind off of worries and anxieties for a time. (It’s hard to both obsess about that embarrassing text you sent and count stitches on a knitting needle at the same time!) You also can cultivate skills that may be useful later in life. (I’m not saying that knowing how to operate a HAM radio would really be useful in a zombie apocalypse, but I’m also not not saying it, either.) It’s also helpful to know and use skills that have been -or are in danger of – being lost to time. 

And now that Spring is here, it’s also a great time of year to take up an outdoor hobby. Hiking is a great one, as is birdwatching. Gardening is also therapeutic – there is no little value in simply stepping outside of your door and breathing in fresh air!

But maybe you’re thinking, “I’ve heard all of this already. I don’t have time for hobbies – I only have time to drive my kids to their hobbies.” Fair enough. But the encouragement I can give you is to know that if you don’t make at least a little time for yourself, doing what you like just for you, it can really come back to bite you in the end. 

Your hobby doesn’t need to be perfect, or even a complete project. My mother-in-law, a master crocheter, recently gifted us a blanket that took nearly thirty years to complete. I have one that took me over a year to finish because I would only pick it up to work on it in small little snippets of time on the weekends. It doesn’t really matter how long it takes, or even if you’re any good at it. If you’re not, who cares? It’s a hobby for you, not for anyone else! 

No matter what you end up choosing, remember to just have fun with it!

Until next time, be well!

Christy

***

About the author: Christy Gualtieri is a freelance writer specializing in pop culture, religion, and motherhood. She lives in Pittsburgh with her husband and two children. Christy also blogs at asinglehour.wordpress.com and tweets @agapeflower117. You can  follow her here on eTalkTherapy for inspirational articles and different perspectives as they relate to good mental health.

Welcome, Spring! I’m partial to Autumn and Winter myself, but I can’t lie-I love a good Spring day, especially with warmer temperatures and sunsets that stretch out long past dinnertime. My husband is busy starting the seeds that will someday grow into peppers, tomatoes and beans, and although it’s early yet, I’ve begun seeing (and hearing!) the robins bounce about. I don’t know where you are in your Spring cleaning journey, but I’m just starting to entertain the idea.

Spring is a great time for renewal, but also a good time for checking out new books that remind us of the beauty of the season. If you’re in need of inspiration, I’ve put together a few that are a great ways to welcome Spring and embrace the nature lover in all of us:

Into The Wild by Jack Krakauer This is a must for all those who have been intrigued by the awesome power of the natural world: the harrowing (but ultimately hopeful) story of Chris McCandless, a young man who set out for the wilds of Alaska in order to embrace a life of freedom. 

Great Possessions: An Amish Farmer’s Journal by David Kline If you feel like getting lost in gorgeous descriptions of nature, check this book out! It’s a beautiful study of the four seasons and the life of simplicity that is often overlooked in our hectic society. 

The Drunken Botanist by Amy Stewart Ever wonder how plants play a role in our favorite adult beverages? This book is a fun, in-depth look at how a wide variety of plants are used in mixers and cocktails, and even includes recipes to try on your own at home. 

This Day: New and Collected Sabbath Poems 1979 – 2012 by Wendell Berry A long-known nature lover, environmentalist and activist, this collection of poems gorgeously highlights the beauty of the natural world, in moments big and small.

Collected Poems by Jane Kenyon Speaking of poetry, if you’re in the mood for simplicity, beauty, and peaceful stillness, this collection is one of the best. 

Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life by Barbara Kingsolver This is a fascinating true-life story of a family who decides to eat foods raised only in season and locally grown… for an entire year! Their observations about where our food comes from and the impact it has gives you a lot to think about. (Recipes are included in this one, too!)

No matter how you decide to celebrate the end of winter, I hope it’s a happy season of life for you.

Until next time, be well!

Christy 

About the author: Christy Gualtieri is a freelance writer specializing in pop culture, religion, and motherhood. She lives in Pittsburgh with her husband and two children. Christy also blogs at asinglehour.wordpress.com and tweets @agapeflower117. You can  follow her here on eTalkTherapy for inspirational articles and different perspectives as they relate to good mental health.

My daughter recently began violin lessons for the first time. We went to have her measured for the instrument, and I watched her as it was carefully packed up. She was so proud of it, sitting next to it in the car on the way home with an ever-protective hand hovering slightly over it in case of any unexpected bumps in the road.

When she began her first lesson, the instructor explained the different parts of the violin – the fingerboard, the neck, the shoulders, and only motioned toward its bow, still firmly nestled in its case.

“We won’t be using the bow for the first few weeks,” he explained, and then had my daughter hold the violin around its neck. “Now hold the violin up as high as you can,” he instructed, demonstrating for her, and she followed suit. “I call this the Statue of Liberty pose. Hold it there for a count of ten. Ten…nine…” when he counted down to one, he had her rest for a moment.

They went through a series of picking exercises, but I was most struck by the Statue of Liberty – the importance of strengthening the arm and hand muscles way before she’d get to playing any notes. It reminded me of working with my kids when they were in preschool with their scissor skills, reinforcing that connection between having the hand and finger strength to cut through construction paper and the later skills of handwriting.

Has 2022 felt like the Statue of Liberty pose to you? Was it uncomfortable? Just plain hard work? Maybe it was a disappointment because instead of getting to play with the bow and get fancy with your year right away, it instead ended up being a series of tough (but very important!) exercises. I think a lot of my year felt that way, too, but although it feels unglamorous and exhausting, there’s a lot of hope there. Where else can the tough times lead except resilience and strength over time? What can be gained from consistently holding up a weight except a stronger muscle, increased focus, and improved confidence?

As part of the violin practices my daughter was assigned throughout the week – moving the violin from rest position to playing position, playing a short, two-note song, etc. – time in the Statue of Liberty pose was also prescribed. I have a feeling that will continue long after she’s able to use the bow, maybe something she’ll have to do for years. And although I know it’s no fun, I’m glad for it, because it’s so much a microcosm of what our own lives are like: so many building-block moments that gradually build on themselves to become a larger picture.

It’s very rare that raw, natural talent delivers flawless performances right from the get-go. 99.999% of the time, we need discipline and practice and training to get where we want or need to go. My hope for you is that if 2022 was indeed a tough year for you, where you mostly just had to hold up your metaphorical arm for a very long time with very little rest, that 2023 and beyond will be filled with beautiful music you have made for yourself.

Until next time, be well!
Christy

***

About the author: Christy Gualtieri is a freelance writer specializing in pop culture, religion, and motherhood. She lives in Pittsburgh with her husband and two children. Christy also blogs at asinglehour.wordpress.com and tweets @agapeflower117. You can  follow her here on eTalkTherapy for inspirational articles and different perspectives as they relate to good mental health.

Well, here we are: the first “back to normal” Thanksgiving holiday since 2019; and like many Thanksgivings before it, it’s a time that can be fraught with heated political discussions, arguments, opinions, and time with family and friends that can seem incredibly heavy.

Or, not. It can also be a time of great relief, celebration, joy, eating delicious food that will lead to a fantastic nap on the couch while the Lions/Bills game blares in the background, and not much else.

Chances are, it may be a little of both, the way life is a lot of both. That’s usually the way it goes, even if the lovelier parts can be difficult to see through the muck of the daily grind. I can recall a Thanksgiving where we announced to our families that we were expecting our first child, and vividly recall the loud shouts of joy and the cheers that followed. A year later we didn’t see our family for Thanksgiving because my mother was dying and we had spent so much time traveling to be with her that we needed to stay put for a while. Same holiday, yet a very different feel to each one.

So I can understand the trepidation someone may feel when a big holiday is around the corner that may potentially cause problems. But I’d like to take this opportunity to gently remind you that while yes, Thanksgiving can be a holiday that may have historically been troublesome for you, that you are not the same person you were a year ago. In what ways have you changed since last Thanksgiving?

I know you may be thinking of the ways in which you feel you’ve changed for the worse since last year (that was my first impulse too), but try and push past that initial wave. Take some time to really think about it. You may feel some memories of a bad situation that happened in the last year, a sorrow or a problem; but you do have some resiliency – you are here, after all. In what ways have you gotten stronger (physically, emotionally, or spiritually)? Have you improved a skill? Have you dedicated your time to something outside yourself that has benefitted you in some way?

In what ways can we say we are stronger this year? Are you able to stand up for yourself in a setting where you’re getting together with people for the holiday? And if you do or not, what are some ways you can take care of yourself after the holiday has ended?

When I had issues with food and eating some years ago, one phrase around the fraught time of Halloween through New Year’s (and particularly Thanksgiving, because so much of it is surrounded by food) that I found really helpful was “_____ is just one day.” Thanksgiving is just one day.

I hope it’s a day for you that is mostly filled with celebration and joy. But if it is not, I hope that one day can be easily moved past. That you can look in the mirror that day or the next and recognize that you are stronger than you were a year ago. That you are able to think for yourself where you might not have been able to a year ago. That you are able to find what you need to give yourself more easily, in order to help you grow closer to peace and joy this year.

Until next time, be well!
Christy

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About the author: Christy Gualtieri is a freelance writer specializing in pop culture, religion, and motherhood. She lives in Pittsburgh with her husband and two children. Christy also blogs at asinglehour.wordpress.com and tweets @agapeflower117. You can  follow her here on eTalkTherapy for inspirational articles and different perspectives as they relate to good mental health.

Lesson Learned At the Bowling Alley

This past summer, I took my kids bowling for the first time in what felt like a million years. The lanes weren’t crowded, and it was a great place to head to beat the summer heat. As we played our first round of games, three men walked over to the lane beside us to start their games. One was a man with profound special needs, another seemed to be his caretaker, and another seemed to be his brother or a close friend.

The man with special needs was the only one bowling: they put up the bumpers so he wouldn’t get gutterballs, and he was having a great time sending the balls soaring down the heavily polished lane. He was excited when he knocked pins down and was frustrated when only one or two would go down, but over time, I realized I wasn’t watching him much at all: it was his brother (or the man who I assumed was his close friend) who caught my attention most.

He didn’t bowl, but he boisterously encouraged his friend through every try. “You got it!” he’d say by way of encouragement before the ball went down the lane. “That was a great shot.” When the pins would be knocked down, he’d say admiringly, “No one can bowl like you, that was amazing.” If not all the pins went down, he’d say, “Don’t worry, you’ll get them next time!”

Just simple encouragement, the entire time in a voice that was not condescending, or apologetic but 100% genuine. He was proud, and it was indeed no big deal that this man who was his friend was bowling just like everyone else.

The thing that struck me most about the exchange that I saw was that it cost this man literally nothing to be so encouraging. He didn’t have to, after all; he could have taken his friend bowling and nodded or given a few claps here or there. But he didn’t – he made the choice to be completely in the moment and a beautiful example of love and friendship.

I think often now about those moments that I am afraid to encourage people in my life. Why am I afraid to do that more often? Is it because of how I think I will look to others? Is it because I will make others suspicious? Is it because I’m afraid of getting ridiculed too? I don’t know. It gave me food for thought, though, and maybe this story will give you some, as well.

Who can you encourage in your life today? Who can we reach out to, as genuinely as possible, to lift up? Is there anyone in your own life you seek encouragement from when you’re down? We all have the ability to lift others up when we come across them, and it doesn’t cost us anything to put a smile on someone’s face. Give it a try today!

Until next time, be well!
Christy

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About the author: Christy Gualtieri is a freelance writer specializing in pop culture, religion, and motherhood. She lives in Pittsburgh with her husband and two children. Christy also blogs at asinglehour.wordpress.com and tweets @agapeflower117. You can  follow her here on eTalkTherapy for inspirational articles and different perspectives as they relate to good mental health.