Category: eTalkTherapy

How Existential Therapy Can Transform Your Life Starting Today  

by Don Laird, NCC, LPC

Life can be full of uncertainty, challenges, and moments of doubt. At times, these struggles can lead to feelings of isolation, confusion, or a lack of purpose. Existential therapy offers a unique way to approach these feelings, focusing on understanding the deeper questions of life, such as meaning, mortality, loneliness, and personal responsibility. If you’re grappling with a sense of dissatisfaction or are unsure about where you’re headed, existential therapy could be the key to finding clarity and purpose.

What Is Existential Therapy?

Rooted in existential philosophy, this therapeutic approach emphasizes the human experience and the importance of confronting life’s uncertainties rather than avoiding them. Unlike traditional therapies that may focus on diagnosing or treating specific mental health conditions, existential therapy encourages self-exploration and reflection on fundamental aspects of existence, such as identity, isolation, freedom, and mortality. In short, it looks beyond the symptoms and sees the client as a whole person, helping individuals examine their personal values, desires, and the choices they make. Instead of offering clear-cut solutions, existential therapy invites you to find your own answers to life’s most pressing questions, empowering you to live more authentically.

Finding Meaning in Life

One of the key elements of existential therapy is the exploration of meaning. People often experience a sense of meaninglessness, especially when faced with major life transitions, loss, or difficult situations. Existential therapy provides a space to reflect on your life’s purpose, your values, and what truly matters to you. By addressing the bigger questions about your existence, you gain the opportunity to make more purposeful choices, moving away from simply going through the motions.

The therapist’s role in existential therapy is not to give advice, but to guide you through these reflections, helping you become more aware of your own desires and aspirations. It can also be liberating, as it shifts the focus from external expectations and pressures to your own internal compass and your true north. As you understand what is truly meaningful to you, you can begin to align your actions with your authentic self.

Personal Responsibility and Freedom

Existential therapy highlights the idea that we all have the freedom to make choices and take responsibility for our lives. While this can be empowering, it can also feel overwhelming. The realization that we are responsible for our decisions, our actions, and our reactions can bring up feelings of anxiety. Existential therapy encourages you to embrace this freedom and recognize that, despite life’s challenges, you have the power to shape your future.

In addressing issues like fear of the unknown or anxiety about making the wrong choices, existential therapy fosters a deeper sense of self-awareness. It helps you confront the reality that life is uncertain, but it also teaches you how to find peace with that uncertainty. By learning to accept responsibility for your choices, you can move forward with greater confidence, knowing that your actions are aligned with your values.

Embracing Mortality

Another central theme in existential therapy is the awareness of mortality. While acknowledging death can seem uncomfortable and create anxiety, it can also bring clarity to life. By confronting the inevitable reality of mortality, existential therapy encourages you to live more fully in the present, making the most of your time and relationships. It can inspire a sense of urgency to pursue your passions and invest in what truly matters.

How Existential Therapy Helps You Create a Life Worth Living

At its core, existential therapy helps you live an authentic life by encouraging you to examine your values, question societal norms, and take ownership of your choices. It is not about escaping discomfort or finding quick fixes; it is about developing a deeper understanding of yourself and your place in the world. If you’re struggling with feelings of emptiness, confusion, or the weight of life’s challenges, existential therapy offers a transformative path toward a more meaningful and fulfilling existence.

By confronting your fears, recognizing your agency, and living authentically, you can build a life that aligns with who you truly are.

Man video calling his psychologist to have a virtual session while in quarantine during the coronavirus

Looking for Help – the mental healthcare shortage

Join Don Laird, therapist and founder of eTalkTherapy, as he and others discuss the mental health crisis in the United States. This short-form documentary explores the barriers many face in mental health care and searches for solutions to the growing shortage of providers.

https://www.wqed.org/watch/wqed-digital-docs/looking-for-help-the-mental-health-care-shortage-goct4z

Contact etalktherapy.com today to schedule a consultation or appointment.

eTalkTherapy - talk with a counselor online

Existential Therapy: Is it for Me?

by Don Laird, NCC, LPC

In an era where uncertainty seems to be our constant companion, most find themselves grappling with questions of meaning, purpose, isolation, and the unpredictability of life. Existential therapy offers a powerful and relational approach to coping with these challenges by focusing on basic human experiences such as responsibility, isolation, death, and meaning.

At its core, existential therapy encourages individuals to confront the anxiety that naturally arises from the human condition. Rather than avoiding discomfort, this therapy method invites clients to explore the inherent unpredictability of life, partner with their anxiety, and find personal meaning within it. By acknowledging that suffering is an unavoidable part of existence, individuals can develop a deeper sense of agency, rather than feeling overwhelmed by it.

Therapists using this approach help clients explore their values, beliefs, and fears, fostering self-awareness and empowering them to make conscious choices, even in the face of ambiguity or chaos. Through this process, clients often learn to embrace the “here and now,” and shift their focus from trying to control the future to engaging more fully with life as it unfolds.

In uncertain times, existential therapy provides a grounding force, reminding us that while we can’t always control what happens around us, we have the power to shape how we respond. It encourages a life lived with purpose, authenticity, and agency, despite the unpredictability of the world.

Does Existential Therapy Work for Anxiety?

by Don Laird, NCC, LPC

Anxiety is common, but its roots are often complex and elusive. While traditional therapies focus on managing symptoms, existential therapy offers a unique approach to understanding and addressing the deeper existential and life concerns that fuel anxiety symptoms. Here’s why existential therapy can be effective in helping you navigate and manage your anxiety:

1. Confronting Life’s Uncertainties

Existential therapy delves into the universal and unique human experience of uncertainty. Anxiety often arises when we face the unknown—whether it’s fear, a sense of purposelessness, or the inevitability of change. Existential therapy helps you confront these uncertainties head-on, not by eliminating them, but by learning to live with them in a more meaningful and mindful way. Through this process, you can reduce the power that uncertainty and fear hold over your emotions, embracing life’s inherent unpredictability with confidence and agency.

2. Focusing on Personal Responsibility

A core principle of existential therapy is the emphasis on personal responsibility. Anxiety is overwhelming because we perceive ourselves as powerless in the face of external forces and situations. Existential therapy shifts this perspective by encouraging you to take ownership of your choices and actions. By recognizing that you have the power to make meaningful decisions, you can reduce feelings of helplessness, and gain a greater sense of agency over your life.

3. Exploring Meaning and Purpose

Anxiety stems from feeling disconnected, fearful, or lacking purpose. Existential therapy encourages deep reflection on the meaning of your life, helping you understand what truly matters to you – finding your true north. By examining your values, passions, dreams, and beliefs, existential therapy can help you develop a clearer sense of purpose. When you feel aligned with your authentic self and your values, anxiety can decrease as you move toward a life that feels more intentional and fulfilling.

4. Facing Mortality

Death and the awareness of life’s finite nature can trigger anxiety. Existential therapy teaches you to face mortality not as something to avoid, but as a natural part of life. By acknowledging the inevitable, finding balance between life and death, you can begin to live more fully in the present moment, making choices that reflect what you truly value rather than being driven by your fears.

5. Cultivating Authenticity

Existential therapy encourages you to embrace your authentic self — free from external expectations and pressures. Anxiety often arises when we feel disconnected from who we truly are or trapped in roles that don’t align with our true identity. By fostering authenticity, existential therapy helps you reduce the internal conflict that fuels your anxiety and allows you to live in a way that feels true to you.

6. Building Resilience

Rather than attempting to eliminate anxiety, existential therapy focuses on building resilience in the face of it. Through exploration of your fears, desires, and inner conflict, you learn to accept anxiety as a natural part of the human experience. This acceptance, coupled with a deeper understanding of yourself, can make you more resilient when faced with life’s challenges, reducing the overall impact anxiety has on your life.

Conclusion

Existential therapy offers a unique approach to managing anxiety by encouraging you to confront life’s uncertainties, take responsibility for your choices, and find meaning in your experiences. Rather than seeking to escape anxiety, this therapeutic approach helps you transform your relationship with it —t urning anxiety into a guide for personal growth and a more meaningful life. 

If you’re struggling with anxiety and seeking a deeper understanding of yourself, contact etalktherapy.com today for a free consultation or to schedule an appointment.

How Do I Find the Right Therapist?

by Don Laird, NCC, LPC

Choosing the right therapist is an important step in your mental health journey. Whether you’re dealing with anxiety, depression, grief, trauma, or simply need someone to talk to, the connection you have with your therapist can significantly influence the outcome of your therapy. Here’s why it’s crucial to find the right fit:

Building Trust and Comfort
A strong therapeutic relationship is built on trust. If you don’t feel comfortable with your therapist, it can be hard to open up and explore deep emotions. Finding someone you feel safe with is essential for effective therapy.

Tailored Approach
Not all therapists work the same way. Some use cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), while others prefer humanistic or existential approaches. It’s important to find a therapist whose techniques resonate with you and align with your goals.

Cultural Competence and Understanding
Your background, culture, identity, and life experiences shape how you see the world. A therapist who understands and respects your unique perspective can make the process more meaningful and relevant.

Improved Outcomes
When you’re matched with the right therapist, you’re more likely to feel heard, understood, and supported. This connection will accelerate progress, helping you develop new coping strategies, gain insight and create a life worth living.

Remember, therapy is a personal journey, and it’s okay to take your time finding the right professional for your needs. The effort you put into choosing the right therapist will pay off in the long run, offering you the support and care you need to flourish.

Can Therapy Help You Find Meaning?

by Don Laird, NCC, LPC

Life can often feel overwhelming or disconnected, leaving you with existential questions and no direction. Therapy can be a powerful tool to help you uncover deeper meaning in your life. Here’s how:

  1. Self-Exploration
    Therapy offers a safe space for you to reflect on your experiences, values, ideas, and beliefs. By exploring your past, present, and future aspirations, you can uncover patterns or insights that will help you better understand who you truly are and what matters most to you.
  2. Clarify Your Values
    Through mindful discussions, a therapist can help you clarify your core values and true north. Knowing what you care about at your core can guide your decisions and actions, leading to a more meaningful life that aligns with your authentic self.
  3. Cope with Challenges
    Life’s struggles often leave us feeling lost. Therapy provides the tools to navigate these challenges and reframe difficult experiences. By learning new perspectives, you can find meaning even in adversity and suffering, turning obstacles into opportunities for growth.
  4. Improve Relationships
    Meaning often arises from our connections with others. Therapy can help you improve your relationships, whether through better communication, conflict resolution, or healing from past wounds. Strong, supportive relationships contribute to a greater sense of purpose and fulfillment.
  5. Personal Growth
    Therapy isn’t just about addressing issues; it’s about growing into the person you want to be and creating a life worth living.  As you gain insight, develop coping skills, and break free from limiting beliefs and self-sabotaging behaviors, you begin to see a clearer path forward — one that is ripe with meaning and possibilities.

Ultimately, therapy can help you rediscover your purpose, find clarity in uncertainty, and embrace a life that feels deeply fulfilling.

Contact etalktherapy.com today to schedule a consultation or appointment.

Does Couples Therapy Really Work? 

by Don Laird, NCC, LPC

By understanding the potential benefits and challenges, couples can make an informed decision about whether therapy is the right path for them. Remember, seeking help doesn’t mean your relationship is failing — it simply means you’re taking steps to repair and grow together.  

Relationships are complex, and no one knows this better than couples themselves. Over time, even the most loving partnerships can face challenges in the form of communication, unresolved conflict, or emotional distance. When these issues arise, couples can turn to therapy for help. Does couples therapy actually work? Can it repair relationships and lead to lasting improvements? 

What is Couples Therapy?

Couples therapy, also known as marriage or relationship counseling, involves working with a licensed therapist to address relationship issues. The goal is to improve communication, resolve conflicts, and strengthen the emotional connection between partners. Couples therapy can be beneficial for both married and unmarried couples, whether they’re experiencing problems or simply looking to enhance their relationship.

The Effectiveness of Couples Therapy

Research suggests that couples therapy can be effective—but the results often depend on various factors such as the nature of the problems, the willingness of both partners to engage, and the therapist’s ability to connect with the couple.

1. Improvement in Communication

The key benefit of couples therapy is the opportunity to improve communication. Many relationship issues arise from miscommunication, blaming, finger pointing, score keeping, assumptions, or a lack of an effective dialogue. In therapy, couples learn how to express their feelings more openly, listen actively, and approach conversations with empathy. This can help prevent misunderstandings and reduce the frequency and recovery time of arguments.

2. Conflict Resolution

Conflicts are inevitable in any relationship, but it’s how couples handle those conflicts that can make all the difference. A therapist can guide couples through healthy conflict resolution techniques, such as understanding each other’s perspective and de-escalating tense situations. This skillset can be especially helpful for couples who find themselves caught in endless cycles of arguing that lead nowhere.

3. Restore Emotional Intimacy

As time goes on, couples can experience emotional distance. Therapy can help partners reconnect on a deeper level by exploring vulnerability, mystery, and trust. It can also help identify and address underlying emotional needs. Rebuilding this emotional intimacy helps restore affection and closeness.

4. Address Specific Situations or Issues

Couples therapy is also effective in addressing specific issues that might be affecting the relationship, such as infidelity, financial stress, parenting disagreements, or altering life goals. Rather than letting these challenges grow and create resentment, therapy provides a space to explore them in a productive and creative way.

5. Preventative Maintenance

For couples who aren’t experiencing major issues but want to strengthen their relationship, therapy can serve as a form of preventative maintenance. It helps couples develop better skills for managing stress and anxiety, life transitions, and maintaining a healthy relationship.

What Determines Success in Couples Therapy?

1. Commitment from Both Partners

For therapy to be effective, both partners need to be committed to the process. If one partner is unwilling to engage or is attending therapy only out of obligation to the other person, then couples therapy will not be successful. Both individuals must be open to change, willing to listen and engage, and motivated to work through their issues.

2. Timing

The timing of when a couple seeks therapy can also impact its effectiveness. Couples who wait too long to address issues may find that their problems are out of control, making them harder to resolve. Seeking therapy early on can prevent small issues from escalating into bigger problems.

3. Quality of the Therapist

Not all therapists are the same. The success of therapy can depend on “the fit” between the therapist and the couple. A good therapist will be skilled at facilitating communication, guiding the couple through difficult conversations, and providing tools for improving their relationship. Couples should feel comfortable with their therapist and be able to trust that they are receiving professional and helpful guidance.

When Therapy Might Not Work

While couples therapy can be beneficial, it’s important to acknowledge that not all relationships can be saved. If one or both partners are no longer invested in the relationship, or if there are issues such as abuse or dishonesty, therapy will not be effective. 

Conclusion: Can Couples Therapy Work for You?

So, does couples therapy work? The short answer is yes — but with the right conditions. For therapy to be successful, both partners need to be committed to the process, open to change, and ready to engage in the difficult work of improving their relationship. With the support of a skilled therapist, couples can gain invaluable tools to navigate challenges, improve communication, and restore intimacy.

Contact eTalkTherapy today for further information or to schedule an appointment.

Can Therapy Help Me?

by Don Laird, NCC, LPC

Can Therapy Help Me? The short answer is, yes. Here are seven reasons why.

If you’re wondering, “Can therapy help me?”, you’re not alone. Most people question whether therapy will be effective for them, especially if they’ve never tried it before or are uncertain about what to expect. The answer isn’t one-size-fits-all, but therapy can be beneficial in helping you navigate life’s challenges, improve your emotional well-being, promote wellness, and help you better understand yourself and your relationships. Here are some reasons therapy might help you starting today.

1. Address Emotional Struggles

Whether you’re dealing with anxiety, depression, grief, or stress, therapy provides a safe space to explore and navigate your emotions. Feeling overwhelmed is a common experience, and therapy can offer strategies to manage and process these emotions effectively. Through different therapeutic techniques, you can learn how to identify triggers, understand your emotions and behaviors, and regain control over how you feel.

2. Develop Better Coping Strategies

Life throws many curve balls at us — relationship issues, career stress, personal setbacks, family disagreements, and more. If you feel like you’re not coping well, therapy can help you develop healthier ways to respond to life’s many challenges. By learning new coping skills, you’ll be better equipped to handle stress, manage negative thinking, build emotional resilience, and promote mental fitness.

3. Improve Your Relationships

If you’re experiencing conflict in your relationships or feel disconnected from others, therapy can be an incredibly valuable tool. Working with a therapist helps you understand yourself and others more deeply, improving communication and emotional intimacy. Whether it’s with a spouse, partner, family member, or friend, therapy can help you navigate challenging dynamics and create healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

5. Break Unhealthy Patterns

Many of us carry patterns from the past that do not serve us well anymore —whether it’s a tendency to self-sabotage, avoid difficult conversations or situations, or engage in negative thinking. Therapy can help you identify these habits and work on breaking them. By learning to change destructive patterns, you can create a healthier and more positive way of living.

6. Feel Heard, Understood, and Supported

This is the trifecta of therapy and of living a healthy life. What we need and crave most is someone who will listen without judgment as they offer empathy, support, and understanding. We rarely get this kind of unconditional support from our family or friends. A therapist provides a compassionate space where you can express your thoughts, feelings, struggles,and concerns openly. Feeling heard and validated can be a powerful part of the healing process, helping you feel less isolated in your struggles. 

7. Provide Tools for the Future

Therapy isn’t just about addressing past or current issues — it’s also about building a stronger foundation for the future. The insights and tools you gain from therapy can help you better navigate future challenges, make informed decisions, and create a greater sense of well-being moving forward.

So, Can Therapy Help You?

The short answer is: Yes, therapy can help. But the effectiveness of therapy depends on your commitment, your openness to change, and finding the right therapist. If you’re willing to invest time in yourself and promote self-exploration, therapy can provide the support, guidance, and tools you need to create positive changes in your life.

Contact eTalkTherapy.com today to get started!

Grounding Techniques to Help with Anxiety

Living in the Moment

I work as an aide in a Preschool, and this year’s class is bursting with energy. I’m greeted at the start of each school day with bubbly stories, eager 4-year-olds ready to learn and sing, and some of the cutest faces you ever did see.

One of those faces belongs to Mikey (not his real name), one of the sweeter kids in the class. He listens and does his best to follow along when the teacher guides them through forming their letters and learning about things like the weather and what day of the week it is, and he always has a story to tell about a place he went to with his parents or the things he does over the weekends.

Now that the school year has been underway for some weeks, he’s fallen into a routine. One of Mikey’s favorite things to do just before school begins is to sidle up to either myself or the teacher, look at us very seriously while holding up a finger, and say, “I have a question.”

“Yes, Mikey?”

“How long is it until I can go home?”

And we smile and tell him that he’ll go home at the end of the school day, listing off the various things that happen before then. “There’s a lesson first,” I’ll say, “then snack time, then art class, then playtime, then lunch. And then we have recess, then rest time, another lesson, and then we go home.”

He’ll nod seriously at that, furrow his little brow, and return to his seat. And for the rest of each day, he’ll stop and ask one of us when the thing we are participating in will be over. During the morning lesson, he’ll ask when snack time is. When snack is underway, he’ll ask when art class is. During art class, he’ll ask when lunch is – and so on and so forth, for the entire rest of the day.

“Try not to worry about the next thing, Mikey,” I tell him. “Just think about what’s happening right now. The day will go faster that way.”

He has yet to master that ability. It seems like an easy thing to joke about, but his routine does make sense to me – the little guy is trying to ground himself in the midst of a churning hullabaloo – and I can’t say that I’m unlike him in my own way. True, I don’t ask the teacher what our schedule is every hour of the day, but how many times have I looked at my own calendar ad nauseum, trying to figure out what else I have coming down the pike? How often, when I’ve been worried, have I thought about what will happen next; and once I’ve gotten there, immediately worried about the next event? Too many times. And, each time, just like little Mikey, I’ve furrowed my brow, not taking my own advice – not thinking about what’s happening right now.

I’m sure I’m not alone; maybe you feel the same way too. Maybe you feel swept up in the current of worrying about what’s coming next, and you want to know the future so you can corral it, subdue it, and have some sort of handle on it so you don’t feel completely out of control. But if you are like me, maybe we can try to figure out how to calm down, take a moment (or two, or a hundred) and try to truly live in the moment.

One thing I like to do is to listen to calming music and ambient sounds, so downloading a calming-type app may be helpful (or looking up videos of quiet and calming nature scenes on YouTube may do the trick). Taking time to just sit in quietude is hard to do but incredibly worthy of your time once you get in the habit of it. Maybe a yoga class is more your style, visiting a house of worship or talking a walk – so many things can help to keep you grounded in the moment that you’re in. Every moment is special, even if it’s mundane – and anything we can do to help us stay in the moment is sure to do us a world of good.

Until next time, be well!
Christy

***

eTalkTherapy - talk with a counselor online

About the author: Christy Gualtieri is a freelance writer specializing in pop culture, religion, and motherhood. She lives in Pittsburgh with her husband and two children. Christy also blogs at asinglehour.wordpress.com and tweets @agapeflower117. You can  follow her here on eTalkTherapy for inspirational articles and different perspectives as they relate to good mental health.

How to Work Through Your Fears

What Scares You

What was your first scary movie? I was ten when I was at a sleepover and the movie of choice was “Child’s Play.” Do you remember that one? About the creepy, evil, possessed doll named Chucky that would come to life and murder people? Not the best movie to show a ten-year-old, that’s for sure. (Especially a ten-year-old whose cousins owned a “My Buddy doll” that was Chucky’s spitting image and terrified her for quite a few months afterward.)

It was so much easier being a kid and scared of concrete, real things that could be defined. I was scared of murderous dolls. I was scared of hurricanes. I was scared of losing my parents. I was scared of walking down the stairs. I was scared of bees.

I outgrew a lot of those fears (although I’m still pretty afraid of bees – and murderous dolls). But as a grown-up, the things that frightened me became less real and a lot more nebulous, easily identifiable by the way they begin in my mind (always with a “what if?”): What if my life doesn’t have meaning? What if something I say or do hurts someone else? What if the supply chain breaks down before Christmas and my kids can’t get what they asked Santa for? What if my family dies in some weird freak accident and I’m alone forever? Those were fears that existed long before coronavirus, but now, the fear is even more amplified in some ways because of it, too. (I don’t think I need to list out the fears attached to that!)

There are ways to subdue or mitigate these fears – regular visits with a therapist to talk them out is something I’d highly recommend – but I think it’s important to acknowledge that they exist, not only for children, but for adults, too. They manifest in sometimes very similar ways, but very different ones, too – where a child and a grownup both may suffer from anxiety-induced stomachaches, maybe a grownup would be the one out of the two that would pitch a fit at Arby’s for getting their order wrong.

In the Wes Anderson film “The Grand Budapest Hotel,” the protagonist, M. Gustave, gives a very telling quote about fear in adulthood: “Rudeness is merely the expression of fear. People fear they won’t get what they want. The most dreadful and unattractive person just needs to be loved, and they will open up like a flower.”

There’s a truth in that. Fear is a powerful motivator, but it can’t be conquered by tantrums, or dominance, or aggression – just love. (True, love isn’t what beats Chucky at the end of the Child’s Play films or its sequels, but that’s neither here nor there.)

It’s not an easy thing to overcome your fears. And it’s trite to just dismissively say that you can love your way through them, but it is a reality that if you can love and trust yourself enough to get through the things that you fear most, then you will. And that’s no small thing. It takes practice, but it can be achieved.

So think about the thing that is frightening you the most. You may have no control over it whatsoever, but that’s okay. Just try your best – however long it takes you – to tell yourself that whatever will come, you will get through it. You will come out the other side. A different person, maybe, but that’s all right too. Tell yourself you will love yourself through it, put that into practice, and see what happens to your fears. If nothing else, it’s worth a try.

Until next time, be well!
Christy

***

eTalkTherapy - talk with a counselor online

About the author: Christy Gualtieri is a freelance writer specializing in pop culture, religion, and motherhood. She lives in Pittsburgh with her husband and two children. Christy also blogs at asinglehour.wordpress.com and tweets @agapeflower117. You can  follow her here on eTalkTherapy for inspirational articles and different perspectives as they relate to good mental health.