Man video calling his psychologist to have a virtual session while in quarantine during the coronavirus

How Healthy is Your Relationship?

Relationships are being put to the test these days. Is your marriage feeling the stress, anxiety and uncertainty of the pandemic? Join Licensed Therapist Kema Mesko for another check-in as she shares some advice on keeping relationships healthy in these difficult times and how couples counseling may be able to help you.

Did you know that you can use online couples counseling from the comfort of your own home? If you’d like to discuss your relationship issues or any other mental health concerns, contact us today for a free consultation.

Medical worker in safety glasses, mask and suit makes a heart sign

Helping the Helpers

A Message from our Therapist Mandi for First Responders, Medical Professionals and Front-Line Workers: 

The Coronavirus (COVID-19) has impacted our society and community greatly. The stress for first responders is intense; there are increases in restrictions and more complex risk factors. Many first responders start their shifts feeling concern for their health and safety, for co-workers, families and loved ones. Loved ones feel anxious each time you leave to take care of others and do your job.

Mandi C. Dalicandro-Turk

As a therapist, I enjoy working with first responders. I am compassionate and understanding of your
complex needs and experiences, and create a comfortable, supportive therapeutic environment. Working
through difficult experiences in both your professional and personal life is critical to your overall health and wellness, and guards from the stressors and impact of spillover.

This is difficult to navigate alone. I will listen to your experiences through conversation in a safe and relaxed therapeutic environment, and help you navigate your feelings towards healing, wellness, and experiencing a better quality life .

I have over 7 years experience helping adults, couples, adolescents, first responders, medical professionals, and academics. I feel strongly that human-beings benefit from the experiences of learning, growing, and developing through each stage of life.

My areas of focus are: Anxiety, Depression, Chronic Stress, Relationship Issues, Life Transitions, Self-Esteem and Confidence, Autoimmune Issues, Critical Incidents, PTSD, Trauma, Infidelity, Divorce, Loss of Connection, Break Up Recovery, Developing a Strong Authentic Identity, Parenting, Burnout, Grief and Loss.

As an adjunct professor, I teach courses focusing on psychology, research, human development, leadership, motivation, genetics, and stress. Additionally, I volunteer for a Critical Incident Stress Management Team that assists public safety personnel after the experience of a critical incident. Among my latest projects, I am focusing on research related to clinical levels of stress, vicarious trauma, and compassion fatigue. I also create the curriculum for seminars and continuing education. I earned my Bachelor’s degree in Psychology summa cum laude and Master’s degree in Professional Counseling from Carlow University.

Visit with me me today at eTalkTherapy.com to schedule your first appointment or free consultation. I hope to work with you soon.

 

Therapist Kema Mesko

Mental Fitness at Home

Checking In: A Wellness Video Message from Our Therapist Kema!

There is no “right” way to feel right now, but taking care of your metal health should be a priority. Remember to drink water, limit your alcohol and caffeine consumption and get enough sleep. If you’re feeling stressed or if you’re not feeling productive enough, it’s okay. Remember social distancing does not mean social isolation. If you need help, reach out and talk to someone.

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Feeling stressed or anxious? We are here to help. Since 2017, eTalkTherapy.com has been serving Pennsylvanians with online therapy and professional counseling services from the comfort and privacy of your own home. Our licensed professional counselors and experienced therapists are highly skilled in the areas of anxiety, stress and depression. We provide therapy sessions on a HIPPA secure, live-video website or by phone. Don’t allow your worries or anxieties to spiral out of control. Contact us today for more information or to schedule a confidential and affordable appointment with one of our telehealth therapists.

People are celebrating Thanksgiving day

Holiday Self-Care

It’s that time of year again! Pumpkin-spiced everything’s been overtaken by chocolate peppermint; the sun won’t come out all day again until March; and shopping malls are striking up the Christmas songs and lining families up for photos with Santa.

It’s time for family gatherings, class parties, and office gift exchanges – and before you know it, it’s time to meet up again for celebrations ringing in the New Year. It’s a lot, and it’s easy to be overwhelmed!

The holidays can be difficult for everyone for a wide variety of reasons.  Here are a few tips to help you through the next few weeks!

  1. Breathe. I know, I know. It sounds so basic. But aside from it being the most important thing you ever do (…because what happens if you don’t?), it’s important to do it slowly.  Slow breathing is key to calming your overexcited nervous systems and keeping your mind clear. (For a visual, it’s helpful to slowly breathe in like you’re luxuriously smelling a flower, and to breathe out like you’re blowing out a candle.)
  2. Give yourself space. If you’re at a gathering and you need a break from time to time, take one! You don’t need permission – you’re a grown-up! Just do it. When you’re eating a sit-down meal, seat yourself (or ask to be seated – I don’t know how fancy the party is!) at the end of the table or nearest the doorway so you don’t have to crawl over fifty people to get some fresh air. Take a few minutes to yourself, also with some calming breaths if you need them, and rejoin the activity when you’re ready – not when someone else is dragging you back in.
  3. Share your feelings – either with yourself by writing them down or drawing them in a sketchbook, or by opening up to someone who is close to you and who you know will try their best to help you feel better. Getting your fears, worries, frustrations, and your grief out in the open will keep you from bottling them up inside and making you sick.
  4. Drink more water. Full disclosure: water is my least favorite drink and I know how hard it is to make an effort to drink more if you don’t like to, but it really is important. It flushes out stress hormones and really cold water will give you something to focus on as a distraction from over-anxiety. It’s also a good idea to drink a glass or two in between samplings of holiday punch!
  5. Look at a calendar. Because shopping is such an integral part of the American holiday experience – and because companies essentially lose an extra shopping week due to a late Thanksgiving this year – holiday sales and holiday everything seems to be in the air for an extremely long amount of time. It’s perfectly okay to realize that the holiday season, if it is a hard time of year for you, will end this year. Hanukkah does last for eight days and there are twelve days of Christmas, but the celebrations will eventually come to an end…and there is a brand new year just around the corner waiting for you to enjoy it.

No matter how you spend your holidays, remember to find something in your life for which you’re thankful. It may be family, it may be your home or your job or something as simple as your streaming service subscription – but no matter the thing, focus on the thankfulness – and keep looking for more!

Until next time, be well!
Christy

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eTalkTherapy - talk with a counselor online

About the author: Christy Gualtieri is a freelance writer specializing in pop culture, religion, and motherhood. She lives in Pittsburgh with her husband and two children. Christy also blogs at asinglehour.wordpress.com and tweets @agapeflower117. You can  follow her here on eTalkTherapy for inspirational articles and different perspectives as they relate to good mental health.

Woman hand holding a card with text can't over cement background

Rising to the Challenge

I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of it, but November is “NaNoWriMo” (National Novel Writing Month).  Writers all across the country take up the challenge to write – or complete – a novel in only one month, relying on their wit, their perseverance, their talent, and a strong online community of other writers and editors to get the job done. Although most novels completed during NaNoWriMo challenges don’t make it to publication, some do, most famously Sara Gruben’s “Water For Elephants,” which was also adapted into a film starring Robert Pattinson and Reese Witherspoon.

I have half-heartedly attempted to consider starting a NaNoWriMo challenge – I never got as far as typing a single word – but, ultimately, I’ve decided that it wasn’t for me, at least not in this particularly busy season of my life. I do appreciate the value of challenges, however, especially ones set in constrained time periods. The Whole 30 challenge was pretty popular for a while too, and on social media it’s not uncommon to see creative challenges that center around posting pictures or blog posts each day based on a particular theme.

The idea of challenges is really interesting to me. I can see the value in it – it’s neat to see how we act differently when we are exposed to things that change our routine so steadily over such a long period of time. And those changes can work for the better, too. (I’m Catholic, and I see the benefits of fasting/small acts of self-denial that we partake in every year for the weeks of Lent, just before Easter.) Community plays a big role too, and an important one: you get a great sense of “we’re all in this together.

But for people who suffer from anxiety or low self-esteem, the idea – or the reality – of not meeting those challenges can be difficult to bounce back from. Not finishing a NaNoWriMo project, a Whole 30 food challenge, or whatever you tried can bring on the negative self-talk pretty much instantly: “I’m a failure. I knew I couldn’t do it.” It’s enough to not make us want to try again.

So what’s the secret to a successful challenge? I’m not 100% sure, but I think it probably has something to do with not taking them too seriously and adapting more of a “so what?” attitude. “If I don’t write a whole novel, so what? I wrote a lot more than I would have!” “If I eat some cheese on the elimination diet, so what? It’s helped me figure out that I feel worse when I do eat it, so it’s a bonus.” Trying to bring up the positives takes a lot of work, but it might also lead to success. That same positive self-talk works well in real life too, not just in a challenge setting. Maybe this month we can think about some ways we can change our thinking from negative to positive and see where that takes us!

Do you like to take up monthly challenges? What’s been your experience so far? Make sure to let us know any tips for success in the comments!

Until next time, be well!
Christy

***

eTalkTherapy - talk with a counselor online

About the author: Christy Gualtieri is a freelance writer specializing in pop culture, religion, and motherhood. She lives in Pittsburgh with her husband and two children. Christy also blogs at asinglehour.wordpress.com and tweets @agapeflower117. You can  follow her here on eTalkTherapy for inspirational articles and different perspectives as they relate to good mental health.

Three jack-o-lanterns

Hope, Perseverance and The Great Pumpkin

There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people: religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin.” – Linus

As a child of the 1980s, TV played a pretty instrumental role in how I saw the passing of time, especially when it came to holiday specials. One of my family’s favorite TV specials in the Fall was “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown,” which would air every year – and thankfully still does! Every October we would sit down to watch Charlie Brown and the gang, laughing at Linus stricken expressions, Lucys hilariously ironic Halloween costume mask, Charlie Browns costume (and his Halloween “candy”), and Snoopys WWI-era adventure through the “French countryside.” Everything about it – Vince Guaraldis jaunty soundtrack, the animation, and even the beautiful watercolor-esque detail of the cartoons backgrounds – signaled to me as a kid that Fall was really, truly here.

Charlie Browns adventures, no matter which you choose (and there are plenty to choose from) have always focused on both the innocence – and brutality – of childhood, particularly in terms of bullying, of which Lucy is the ringleader and reigning champion. Usually, the victim is the hapless Charlie Brown, but this particular episode focuses on his best friend, the philosophical Linus, and his faith in a being called the Great Pumpkin. According to Linus, the Great Pumpkin rises from a pumpkin patch every Halloween, but not just any pumpkin patch – the one of a true believer, the “most sincere.”  Naturally, because no one else shares his belief, they mostly dismiss Linus as insane and treat him as such throughout most of the episode. The other kids go trick-or-treating and then to a Halloween party, making sure to stop by the patch to let Linus (and Charlie Brown’s sister, Sally, who decided to wait with him) know how much fun they’re missing.

But Linus perseveres, staying out in the pumpkin patch well into the night, needing to be escorted inside by his sister after the Great Pumpkin doesn’t show. The next morning when Charlie Brown, in an effort to commiserate with Linus, brings up how “he’s done stupid things too,” Linus explodes in indignation and doubles down on his resolve to make next year’s patch even better.

That resilience, along with the sheer tradition of the show, is a major reason why I think this special has resonated with so many people over the 50 years since it first aired. It speaks to all of our desires to get back up again after we’ve been knocked down. This is not the first year Linus has attempted to meet the Great Pumpkin; yet he continues to forswear his candy and treats (not to mention the constant ridicule) to greet him. Charlie Brown is told by Lucy, in no uncertain terms, that he was not invited to the Halloween party, yet he still overcomes his shame and attends anyway. What makes the Peanuts gang such a mainstay is that no matter how terrible and difficult life can be, we can still hope for greater things.

If you get the chance, make sure to catch “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” when it comes around on TV this year. It’s great fun to watch, and will hopefully give your spirits a boost, too!

Until next time, be well!
Christy

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eTalkTherapy - talk with a counselor online

About the author: Christy Gualtieri is a freelance writer specializing in pop culture, religion, and motherhood. She lives in Pittsburgh with her husband and two children. Christy also blogs at asinglehour.wordpress.com and tweets @agapeflower117. You can  follow her here on eTalkTherapy for inspirational articles and different perspectives as they relate to good mental health.

woman relaxing on a wicker chair

The Passing of Time

I grew up in South Florida, where the weather is pretty much the same year-round: hot and humid.  At Christmastime, folks string lights through palm fronds and set out ice-cold drinks for Santa as they slide into bed with a t-shirt and shorts on, searching outside on Christmas morning for sights of reindeer tracks with flip-flops on their feet. When we moved to New Jersey, the more pronounced seasons were the way to mark time: when the leaves turned colors and fell you knew it was Autumn; when they dripped with fresh, cool raindrops it was Spring. In Western Pennsylvania, it’s still the same – we have our cooler months, snowfalls, rainfalls, and warmer months; but we find different ways to mark time now, and even earlier than we probably should.

Halloween candy is out and ready to go on the grocery store shelves in the beginning of August; so are the costumes. Pumpkin-flavored everything is in full bloom weeks before the regular NFL season begins; and in some big-box stores, the Christmas supplies are already lining the back shelves, inching closer to the front-and-center displays.  My mother passed away January 31st – the day after Valentine’s Day, the Mother’s Day cards were on display, something I was entirely unready for.

(To quote one of my favorite comedians, Pete Holmes: “Not too get all Andy Rooney on ya, but…”) We used to know time by the seasons, but now they’re changing.  We used to know by holidays, but now they’re being pushed up the calendar to the point of absurdity. We are in such a rush to get to the next mile, the next place to stop – only when we get there, we’re so anxious to get to the next one.  We finish an episode of a show and let it roll on to the next once, barely processing what we’ve just taken in. We finish an audio book and tap the button for the next one without a thought. We are in such a hurry.

But where are we going? Where are you going?

If this is something you struggle with, I get it. I’m the same way, and I’ve sadly gotten to the point where if I think of being quiet even for just five minutes in a row, it makes me want to cry for the impossibility of it.  I know the only way out of it is through it – to train myself to be away from media/my phone/TV/radio for a minute at a time to rebuild that muscle of just being able to occupy myself without any outside influence. And it’s hard.  But it’s so, so worth it.

Our time matters, and it’s fleeting.  It’s one minute after another after another, but it won’t always be that way. As you go through your week this week, what’s something you can try to string those moments along in silence, and to give yourself the space to simply observe the world around you? You may start to discover the path you’re on, and all of the exciting things that come with deciding if you want to stay on it or not, or choose something new and wonderful.

Until next time, be well!
Christy

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About the author: Christy Gualtieri is a freelance writer specializing in pop culture, religion, and motherhood. She lives in Pittsburgh with her husband and two children. Christy also blogs at asinglehour.wordpress.com and tweets @agapeflower117. You can  follow her here on eTalkTherapy for inspirational articles and different perspectives as they relate to good mental health.

Woman enjoying the water in a swimming pool

Feel The Relax

On the last day of the swimming season, my family and I were graciously invited to the nearby pool by our neighbors, who are mainstays of our township and some of the most entertaining and generous people you’ll ever meet.  I grew up in and around swimming pools, but don’t recently frequent them because whenever you offer me the opportunity to go to the pool alone with my two young children who can’t yet swim, I’ll often decline. (It’s a lot of work trying to keep two alive by myself at once, is all I’m saying.)  But my kids who can’t swim are a bit older now, and have these next-generation floating devices that are way above and beyond anything I had as a kid, so we agreed to go.

It was a beautiful afternoon.  It had been forecasted to rain but it held off, and so it wasn’t as hot as it had been, but not terribly cold, either – the perfect temperature.  We got in the pool and my kids had a great time splashing around, even paddling a bit to the wall in the few feet of water we were in. My daughter bobbed by, a miniature pink buoy, her hands in the water and her face looking ahead, concentrating.  She mumbled something, and I leaned in to hear her:

“Feel the relax,” she said.

I watched as she stretched out her hands, pawing at the water the way a cat would, slowly making her way to the wall from my arms.

“Feel the relax.”

I was just as struck as I always am listening to my kids.  I wasn’t relaxed at all that morning – I was upset at having to buy a bathing suit last-minute (always a terrible experience)  and not looking forward to spending hours at the pool while both kids constantly clawed and clamored on me in the water, having to think about how much sunblock I’d applied and whether it had been enough or not – and I was dumbfounded by how much she knew, inherently, that the power to relax was inside her, just waiting to help.

In the hectic, frenetic weeks before school started and as the end-of-summer activities and to-do lists stretched on, I had completely forgotten all about the point of summer: to relax.  To just stop and observe the world around me. To let my muscles un-tense themselves, to feel the air on my face and the heat of the sun on my skin.

I watched my kids playing, and observed the joy on their faces as they partook in the last of the great summer traditions before school started the next day.  I looked up for longer than a second or two at the cloudless sky, and noticed that the leaves on the trees surrounding the pool were beginning to turn. I listened to the loud roars of the buses passing, and a train that had come by; and when the teenage lifeguard blew the whistle for adult swim, I passed my kids to my husband and went for lap after lap, the same way I used to do when I was little.

I felt the relax, and kept feeling it when we returned home.  Felt it as I threw their suits and towels in the laundry machine, felt it all through dinner, and as I packed my son’s lunchbox the next day.

Sometimes I forget to feel it, still, when the anxieties of the day crowd my mind; but I remember the innate wisdom of my little girl, take a deep breath, and try again.  A new season is coming, after all – and each and every one needs just as much relaxation, wonder, and peace.

Until next time, be well!
Christy

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About the author: Christy Gualtieri is a freelance writer specializing in pop culture, religion, and motherhood. She lives in Pittsburgh with her husband and two children. Christy also blogs at asinglehour.wordpress.com and tweets @agapeflower117. You can  follow her here on eTalkTherapy for inspirational articles and different perspectives as they relate to good mental health.

 

Woman playing with the Rubik's Cube. Rubik's cube invented by a Hungarian architect Erno Rubik in 1974.

The Summer Puzzle

I gotta tell you…as a child born in the early 1980s, there was no shortage of fun and excitement to experience.  Not in the “let’s spend every waking hour outdoors, surrounded by nature while being parented by all of the neighborhood mothers” sort of ways, like the 1970s kids experienced, but in the “what is this thing I can buy and take home and be entertained by” sort of way.  In the ‘80s, if a thing could be packaged and sold to you, it was; and one of the things I coveted most as a kid (but never received) was a Rubik’s Cube.

A Rubik’s Cube, if you are not familiar with it, is a six-faced cubic puzzle that has entranced (and frustrated) millions of people the world over in the nearly 40 years since its invention.  They were enchanting to me; I’d watch commercials of whiz kids turning the cube this way and that in record time, matching up all of the colors in some ridiculously quick amount of seconds. I’d see one at a friend’s house and give it a try here and there, but I had never mastered it.  It was way too confusing for me.  I’d look at it, turn it over in my hands, and eventually leave it alone, walking away completely disoriented.

I thought it was a kid thing.  Surely, as an adult, I’d be able to figure it out with little to no effort! So when my son, who celebrated his birthday earlier this year, was gifted with a Rubik’s Cube, I’d sneak it out of his room at night while he slept, determined to best the thing once and for all.

Did I do it? Friends, I did not.

I still haven’t.  But I smiled. Because…I found it!

Here’s what I mean: earlier this summer, I had toyed around with the idea of coming up with a Summer Project – a skill I could commit to learning that wouldn’t take too long to do, but also something that would boost my self-confidence.  I’ve tried this in past years, but I needed something that would presumably be quicker than the more laborious work I had chosen, like knitting and crocheting, and something not too intense (as most stay-at-home moms will tell you, being at home with kids in the summertime is often intense enough).  I wasn’t able to find anything, and was getting discouraged by my lack of follow-through. So when the Rubik’s Cube came into the house, I had a thought: I could do this! Maybe not in record time, and definitely not on the first try (or fiftieth, apparently), but it could definitely happen.

So I’m still going to try to hit my summer skill goal.  And you can, too! Maybe it’s not a Rubik’s Cube. Maybe it’s perfecting a new recipe, going from point A to point B without using a Google Maps, or it’s learning how to change a tire or sew a button…whatever is manageable for you is the perfect choice!  And because it’s still summer, there’s still time! Let’s try a new Summer Skill, and once you’ve chosen one, let me know in the comments, and we’ll boost our confidence together. Good luck!

Until next time, be well!
Christy

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eTalkTherapy - talk with a counselor online

About the author: Christy Gualtieri is a freelance writer specializing in pop culture, religion, and motherhood. She lives in Pittsburgh with her husband and two children. Christy also blogs at asinglehour.wordpress.com and tweets @agapeflower117. You can  follow her here on eTalkTherapy for inspirational articles and different perspectives as they relate to good mental health.

Beautiful young woman in a field on a sunny summer day.

A Leisurely Summer

I was having a conversation with some friends recently, and the topic of leisure came up.  I had assumed that the definition of leisure was something like “taking your time,” like a leisurely walk; or “relaxing without a specific goal in mind,” but I learned that it’s not always been defined in that way.  In the book “Leisure: The Basis of Culture,” philosopher Josepf Pieper describes it as:

…not simply the result of external factors, it is not the inevitable result of spare time, a holiday, a weekend or a vacation…it is a receptive attitude of mind, a contemplative attitude, and it is not only the occasion but also the capacity for steeping oneself in the whole of creation.”

In other words, leisure is the state in which your mind is free to explore and contemplate things – to really think.  (Hardly seems like doing nothing!) And, to be honest, it seems kind of difficult to pull off in today’s current world.  We have so much information coming at us from so many different angles (this news site, this social media page, this neighbor, this radio station, this friend) that it’s hard enough to step away from it, much less stop altogether and think long and hard about what we’re hearing.  Not only do we have to know everything that’s going on, it seems, we’d better have a good opinion about it, too!

That got me thinking a bit: how much time do I spend in contemplation? Turning things over in my head, examining them, figuring them out? As someone who struggles with anxiety, I can tell you – I don’t do much examining…I’d rather just jump to the worst conclusion possible.  It’s definitely not a healthy way to live, and I know I’d probably be better off if I decided to live a bit more contemplatively.

But how do we do that, cultivate a more contemplative life? One thing I know is that I need a lot more silence. In my home so far this summer, we’ve instituted a “quiet time” for the kids each afternoon, an hour of quiet in which they can occupy themselves, and it’s really worked wonders for their attitudes (when we can stick to it, that is!) It really is a leisure time in a lot of ways, where they do have the freedom to learn more about things by reading, exploring the backyard or watching the neighbors work on their landscaping. And I try to do the same for myself, too: free up a little time to learn more either about something I’ve been curious about, or even to learn more about myself by journaling or reflecting on my feelings about something. It doesn’t always come easy – and we aren’t always able to fit in in the day – but I think it’s worth it so far!

I’m sure your summer is pretty busy with lots to do with family and friends and work.  How can you “steep yourself in the whole of creation” this season? Does the idea seem intriguing to you, or does the idea of quieting down our minds in order to free it up for other things scare you? How can you experience a more “leisurely” summer this year?

Until next time, be well!
Christy

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eTalkTherapy - talk with a counselor onlineAbout the author: Christy Gualtieri is a freelance writer specializing in pop culture, religion, and motherhood. She lives in Pittsburgh with her husband and two children. Christy also blogs at asinglehour.wordpress.com and tweets @agapeflower117. You can  follow her here on eTalkTherapy for inspirational articles and different perspectives as they relate to good mental health.